No improvement

Today's scan with the perinatologist showed my placenta is still "low-lying". When it was discovered at 20 weeks, they said that it usually corrects itself 90% of the time. Well, not for me. If anything, its a few mm closer to the cervix (it is supposed to be over 3cm, but mine was 2.7cm and now its 2.4cm, which is less than an inch). Also, there is a large pool of blood sitting right at the top of the cervix (called a placental lake, but this also moved much closer to the cervix and is larger than last time). It is a risk for bleeding. So, I remain on pelvic rest, and go back again in 6 weeks.

A new finding was that I have a "marginal" cord insertion . . . meaning the cord is attached to the placenta at the end, not in the middle as usual. As long as its attached and has good blood flow, it should be fine. It is sometimes associated with smaller babies, so we'll see.

On a positive note, he was sooooo active! It took a few tries since he kept wiggling, but we finally got a cute 3D picture of his face and his cheeks. And he weighs 2.1 pounds! That's more than my mother weighed at birth (she is a triplet and was 1lb 14oz at birth).

Here is the 26 week belly pic:

VACATION and the return

Sorry for the silence, but we took a week's vacation in FL to visit my bro, SIL and niece and nephew. Its our annual trip to warmth without spending a fortune. They have a guest house across the pool, so its easy to stay with them and still have some privacy for each family. It was also our 6-year anniversary, which is another reason we go away this time of year. We were married on the beach, so we try to spend every anniversary on a beach as well. It wasn't the Carribbean, but it worked for us, since we're quite broke.

A great time was had by all, especially the cousins. My nephew was adopted from Korea, and is only 10 months older than J*, so they play together quite well. My niece is 6 1/2, and is the ring-leader. She was a big help with watching the boys when we needed her, except when she was baiting them or blaming them for something.

I actually got to take a walk each morning (just a mile or two), which felt GREAT! I have my follow-up u/s on Friday, and technically should have waited till after that to be "active", but I couldn't resist the beautiful mornings and the time alone. I am sure all is fine with Doo Doo. He is growing and moving like crazy!

Edited to add . . . Well, back to real life. Never fun when you get back from vacation to find things going wrong. Can you believe the cable TV went out on Monday (meaning TIVO couldn't record it) so we couldn't watch the 24 season finale?? WTF!! Thank goodness for internet episodes, but come on! Then, this morning, my coffee maker decides to be broken. Damn expensive Cuisinart piece of shit! I had to go OUT for coffee. Not my idea of a leisurely morning . . . good thing I planned an extra day off. I need it.

I'll update after Friday's scan.

24 week pictures

Here is 24 weeks 2 days. Must have had a growth spurt this week, b/c I was soooooo uncomfortable to the point that I had a mini meltdown that I couldn't do this anymore. Thankfully it passed. Guess my skin had to catch up to the growth spurt. OUCH. I had to add the front view this time . . . doesn't it look like it hurts? Humor me . . .

How can I ever complain again?

After seeing this, I really can't. None of us can.

AMAZING MOM

24 weeks and dragging . . .

It seems like this pg is going awfully slow right now. Given that I am a woman of little patience, it makes it difficult for me. Luckily I have my little bundle of dynamite to keep me busy and entertained. If I could figure it out, I would post a recording of J* singing Akuna Matata for you all to crack up over. I almost pee myself every time!

I took the newborn clothes down from the attic last night. Was my boy EVER that small?? It was exciting to sift through it all and remember. I'm so very glad we get to use it all again. We are headed to FL a week from today, so when we get back, I'll wash it all again and start putting it into Baby Doo doo's drawers. No, he doesn't have a first name yet, but his middle name is Joseph, after my dad. We have two names we agree on, just like before J* was born, and we waited to meet him to see what name fit best. I guess we'll do that again. I like a few other names better, but they've been vetoed. Maybe I'll get sympathy during labor and pick what I want in the end!

Update on Potty-Training

On Wednesday, J* decided he wanted to wear underwear to school, and hubby could not dissuade him. This request basically came out of nowhere, since we have only been putting him in underwear for a few hours on the weekends. Well, the little guy did great! He had a nap accident on Wednesday, a mid-morning accident on Thursday, and no accident on Friday! I am so proud! Unfortunately, he would not poop in the potty, so he went three days without a bowel movement, poor little guy. By Saturday, I just let him poop in his underwear, b/c he was so afraid to sit on the potty to poop. He kept saying, "poop is bad" and I have no idea why. Anyway, Sunday morning, he did it! Told me he needed to poop, we went to the potty, and there it went! We made a big deal, gave him a present (a Bob the Builder workshop as we have been promising for over a month now), and he was thrilled. Then the little stinker went on to wet his pants three times that day. Oh well, two poops forward, one pee back!

Out of sorts (while out in shorts)

We had beautiful weather this weekend . . .75 and sunny both days. What a difference it makes in my mood and motivation when we can go outside in the yard, or barbecue our dinner and sit on the deck instead of being cooped up in the house. It is enough to confirm my suspicions that I have Seasonal Affective Disorder. I need warmth. There's something to be said for retiring to Florida (if you can ignore the fat, old people and the humidity and hurricanes!).

As beautiful and enjoyable as this weekend was, I found myself feeling out of sorts. I honestly didn't know what to do with myself. Maybe its because I am on restricted activity. Any other normal weekend (pre-pg of course), I would have woken up early and been out for a run before the boys even woke up. I would have been tinkering around the yard, or doing some spring cleaning and housework. I am feeling so confined these days.

Another example - oh, how I miss my cocktails! The weather being gorgeous, all I wanted was a fruity cocktail, a sip of hubby's beer or my usual Sunday mimosa with lunch. Then a bottle of wine with dinner of course. It was such a knee-jerk reaction that I seriously had to fight it off! I guess I really am a woman of habits. Confession: I had a sip of pineapple vodka, and a bite of saturated pineapple. Yes, I do have a glass or two of wine each week, but I've tried to stay away from most everything else. I am an all-or-nothing kinda gal, so if I can't have 3 or 4, why have one sip?

And finally, my body nor my wardrobe were ready for the change in seasons. Yikes! I need a pedicure, a waxing, serious exercise for my ass and thighs, and a golden tan to jump into shorts. I had to settle for a tank top and light pajama pants. We may live in the burbs, but the neighbors can see into our yard (as we can see into theirs, and ugh, remind me not to look again!). I better get all that accomplished soon, since we are headed to FL in 3 weeks anyway.

Oh, and Mister Big Boy J* did great with his underwear this weekend, and loved to "water" the trees! By last night, he would march over to a plant and pull down his pants all by himself! I feel we are getting closer to that elusive goal of potty-trained! But hey, I didn't know that giving up naps was part of the deal, so can someone let him know that's not allowed yet! that meant I missed my nap both days too!!!!!!!

Is it the hormones?

Or is it that people really are that annoying or dumb? Gosh, I have no patience these days. Everyone is annoying me. My parents, my employees, yes - even my hubby. I need a vacation fom everyone.

**Edited to remove rant on my parents** Sorry, I feel better today!!!

Maybe its just the hormones? Nah. this is me, just as much of a bitch as always. Maybe a wee bit more bitchy - OK, maybe its a bit of the hormones . . .

I can feel him!

FINALLY! Those gas bubbles really are him! I can tell the difference now . . . hubby says it must be his extra toe is tickling me from the inside. What a strangely cool and wonderful feeling! A due date buddy on BBH said it would feel like the fizzies . . . and oh, how she was right! Its like this little guy is popping open gingerale cans all day and guzzling them!


This is the 20 week belly pic, taken last night. I am feeling stretched. Its amazing how its changing now. I see him growing upward, and hopefully it will be enough to move the placenta to where it should be.

What a difference a day makes . . .

I knew this pg being smooth as it seemed was too good to be true. I had my 20w OB appointment yesterday afternoon. My weight, blood pressure, baby's measurements and heartbeat were all great. Then we discussed the report from the perinatologist regarding Friday's scan.

We have been focusing on the wrong problem. Hearing there may be a sixth toe threw us for a loop, but it is really no big deal. The son of a woman I work with was born with six toes, and they had it removed early on. No big whoop.

The "varicose vein" issue is the bigger one. How would we know, since Dr. Oliver Petty was so nonchalant about it. He used the words "varicose vein" to put into lay terms what is really called a placental lake, or pool of blood in the placenta. Again, not a big deal, especially since its not too close to my cervix. But, I couldn't find it on the internet, so of course had to ask the ob (as she was walking me down the hall to leave) what he meant by it. Turns out the fucker didn't even include it in the formal report to my doc. Not a word, which may have not been a big deal, but my doc wanted a bit more clarification on it, so she gave him a call. He wasn't available, so she left a message to be called back. She assured me it was probably not a significant issue, but would call if it was.

Well, as you may guess, the phone was ringing as I got home, and it was her. Gulp. She said she spoke to Dr. Weirdo's partner, who pulled up my scan pictures to take a look. Well, whattya know . . . I have a low-lying placenta, and am now on "pelvic rest" until I have a follow-up scan with the "specialist" (definitely scheduling it with the partner next time) in 6-8 weeks. You got it right . . . no sex, no lifting toddlers, no carrying groceries, no exercise. Fuck.

Low-lying placenta means that it is attached to the lower third of the uterus, close to the cervix. It is defined as Placenta Previa (bad thing) if it is adjacent to the cervix, partially covering the cervix, or completely covering it. If its less than 2cm away, it is a high risk for placenta previa. Mine is 2.8cm away, which is too close for comfort for a worrier like me, and for my OB and the peri's partner, interestingly not for him though.

Did my research, and low-lying placenta resolves itself in about 90% of cases, when diagnosed at the mid-pg scan. This is because the uterus still has a great deal to grow, and since it usually grows up, it will help to stretch that part of the placenta (hopefully) away from the cervix. I guess the concern is that I am small, so it may not have much room to grow and move away. We will have to wait and see at the next scan what happens. If I bleed, that means bedrest. As heavenly as time off from work and life sounds, its not worth it when it means trouble for my little six-toed belly bug.

Ugh. Off to search for more info on all of this.

20 down, 20 to go

Halfway mark! Big HUMP day! Can start counting down now! (well, count down for delivery, count up for the pound! Up 7 total as of this morning).

We had our Level 2 ultrasound with a perinatologist on Friday (routine for the over 35 crowd). This is the same as the anatomy scan for all pgs, but you get to pay extra for a specialist. Bonus.

I had to laugh, b/c Dr. Specialist looked like a cross between Tom Petty, and Oliver from the Brady Bunch, glasses and hair and all. But he was good, so we were happy. They looked over every inch of this kid, to make sure all is well . . . and it is. Big sigh of relief. And he's still a boy. Time to start picking a name.

There were two small issues, one being a "varicose vein" in my placenta, which may bleed over the next few weeks if I don't take it easy, so I am off the hook for exercising once again (silent cheer!). The risk of a bleed goes down with each passing week, b/c the baby grows up and moves the placenta along with it, so it will be farther away from the cervix.

Other issue is possibly only cosmetic . . . there may be six toes on his left foot. When the doctor told me this, hubby was out of the room changing J*'s diaper. I don't remember feeling one way or another about it (kinda thought it was oddly a cool thing), but when hubby came back, he seemed sort of horrified. We've had the weekend to digest it (and of course web-search it), and it turns out polydactyly, or an extra toe or finger, occurs in 1 of 500 kids. Thought that was a lot! So there must be some of you readers out there with extra "digits", or born with it and had it removed.

This seems to be a case of the most common and least severe form. It is an extra small toe, that may be more of a skin tag (protruding extra skin) than a toe with bone (rare). Dr. Specialist was very blase` about it, because his sister's 3 kids all had 6 toes on one foot. Wild, huh?

Surgery is needed if you want it removed and it has bone structures. If its just soft skin, it can be tied off to cut off circulation and it will fall off like the cord stump. I don't know if I can handle THAT . . . you know, finding a toe on the floor. Hmm. Hubby wants to know if they can just do a double circumcision in the hospital. Anyone know???

Confessions of a pregnant nutritionist . . .

Nacho Cheese Doritos taste damn good. So do those Lorna Doone cookies that oil up your fingers while you hold them. Oh, and everything else I've eaten since getting pg that I usually don't! I don't know if they really taste that good, or if its the no-guilt feelings after eating them. Will have to let you know once my 4 boxes of Girl Scout Cookies arrive. Waiting patiently.

Its a good thing I gave up ice cream for Lent, or I'd have gained more than just 5 1/2 pounds by 19 weeks. I am TRYING to be good, but don't know how long it will last!

Tying up loose ends . . .

Got my 2nd trimester sequential screen results: all negative! Put that together with the 1st trimester screen, which was negative, and that means no reason for an amnio! We weren't planning to have one anyway, unless something was really wrong, but its nice to know there isn't! Level 2 u/s Friday, April 6th and next OB appt Monday, April 9th.

Finally wearing all maternity clothes and am so much more comfortable. I saw my naked thighs in a full-length mirror this morning (am at a hotel for a conference -don't have a full-length at home) and yikes, they are gross. I guess I got away without exercising long enough. It was a nice vacation from the obsessive planning of when and where to exercise that I have been dealing with since my teens, but time to get real. I need to wear a bathing suit if I am gonna make it through the summer. Plus, labor is supposed to be easier if you're in good shape, right? Come on, someone give me some encouragement!

No, no names yet. Want to make sure he is still a boy at next week's ultrasound. I've also been holding back at really believing this all will turn out ok, with a healthy baby at the end, so didn't want to pick a name and get more attached. If you've been through IF, you'll get what I mean.

No kicks yet either. Today I'm 18w4d. they better come soon! I sometimes feel a few tickles low down, but still could be gas. I am trying to be patient!

Still dealing with constipation and nasal /sinus congestion. I guess this is the hand I was dealt for pg. I'll take it. I always hated throwing up.

He cracks me up

My son is so amusing. He keeps me laughing at all moments. I just can't get enough of him!

Last night, we had steak for dinner. J* started eating before we did, and the steaks weren't done, so he asked for chicken. Once we sat down with our plates, of course he wanted some, so he starts spearing the piece on my plate. Hubby cut him a few bite sized pieces and he digs in. He spit out a piece declaring, "this is too spicy, Dad"(apparently he got a piece with a good dose of Montreal Steak Seasoning on it). SPICY? Where did he learn the word spicy, AND the correct use of it?? We looked at each other and just burst out laughing. This is the kid whose pediatrician was concerned about his lack of speech at 15 months. HA!

Since he turned two, he's been using words like "dangerous", "California", and "triceratops". Such a mouthful for little guy, but he spits out the words and keeps going? I just had to write about it, so I didn't forget this gem.

On friday, my girlfriend picked J* up at daycare for the first time, to save me time so that I could go straight from work to her house for a playdate/dinner. I was worried he wouldn;t cooperate or be upset, but he did great. Apparently the car conversation went something like this . . .

E: J*, what is your baby brother's name going to be?
J: Doo-Doo Doo-Doo! (his standard response for a month now).
E: And where is he going to live when he comes?
J: With the other Doo-Doo Doo-Doo's.

I'm sure some swerving and hysterical laughter occurred at that. What a pip!!!

The other amusing situation is the potty-training. Since that one weekend of trying out the big-boy underwear, we haven't pushed much. Over the past few weeks, he has asked to pee standing up, like Daddy, and will now go voluntarily 2-3 times a day. Sometimes, he'llk jsut march right in and take down his pants. Its a bit messy, as he has no aim, but hey, he's interested. Don't know if he's more interested in the Heshey's Kiss he gets for peeing though. Thanks, Daddy. Not.

I see no difference

except maybe he is climbing a bit higher?

So the worst part of pregnancy so far is . . .

?? What was/is it for you??

The 1st trimester was not bad for me . . . . nausea and tiredness, but not horrible. Really. I got off easy. The constipation . . . that was bad. Sleep . . . what is that again? I fall asleep fine, but after 4 hours, I wake and then toss and turn until morning. I know my mind is racing, which is definitely most of it, but there must be more to the insomnia too.

Second tri (well, all 3 1/2 weeks of it) is going well. The nausea disappeared in one instant a few days before 13 weeks. The tiredness lessened more gradually. Oh make no mistake . . . I'm still very tired, just not falling down exhausted at 7pm anymore. I can make it till 9pm now. Rock on.

The constipation is still bad, but its not surprising since its been a lifelong issue anyway. Acupuncture was working well, but at this point I can't justify $70 a pop for a poop. No thanks.

I'm dealing with the worst congestion now, which is in my sinuses and giving me a headache. I can take Flonase, but its not helping. I have had a dull headache and stuffed nose/sinuses for 3 weeks now. That's hurting my sleep too. Any suggestions?? BTW, hot compresses didn't help. Saline spray doesn't help.

What was/is the worst complaint of pg for you?? And to my friends who are moms through adoption, or not moms yet whether adopting or doing IF treatments, I'm sorry this post is pg-focused. But, what helps you poop???

Meant to be

Our profile was posted on Miracles Waiting for awhile, but we did not have many inquiries. I started getting more bold and would query donor ads as they were posted. I chatted with a few donor couples through email, but nothing worked out. We went ahead with IVF #2 with our own goods, adding ICSI to the mix, to see what really is the problem . . . eggs not fertilizing or just plain rotten eggs. I was put on the pill for 6 weeks to quiet my ovaries and recruit follies all of the same size, with the plan they would all grow together and all be mature at the same time. Uh, yeah. More on that later. While I was on BCPs, a donor ad appeared on MW that caught my eye. It had "matched" next to it for awhile, but this day, that wording was gone. I emailed. I waited. I got a reply! That was May 23rd, 2006.

The donor mom responded by saying they had been matched but the recipients changed their mind. This was actually the second match that didn't work out, so they were very cautious/reserved about even trying to find a match again. Of course, we are so thankful that they did! We emailed for about 2 weeks, and then made plans to meet the following month, in mid-July.

In the meantime, we went ahead with the IVF cycle, even though we had no hope in it, and wre so excited to blessed with embryos from such a wonderful family. The stimming part of the cycle went really slowly, as they were trying to push me longer to get more eggs to maturity. that did't work. They retrieved 20 eggs that cycle, 9 of which were mature, but 8 fertilized with ICSI. We had 8 embryos!! Hope returned . . . for about 36 hours, when we got a call the day before the scheduled 3-day transfer that the embryos "weren't doing as well as expected" and not to get our hopes up. We were cancelled the morning of transfer again. It hurt a bit, but not much, since I already had my heart attached to these frozen embryos and their family. Timing was good too, since we were cancelled at the end of June, and had our meeting with the donor family all set for 2 weeks later.

Our family of three spent the day with their family of 4 at the Mystic Aquarium on July 16th, and we all hit it off right away. It was so right. We were matched!

16 week appointment update

Short and sweet, meaning all is well. HR was strong (150's). BP was fine, fundal height measuring right on, up 2 pounds overall (their scale says 3 1/2, but I like to go by mine - wink!). Got my requisition to schedule the level 2 ultrasound, and the lab slip to do my final sequential screen test. Next appointment at 20 weeks!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Have you all gone to www.MiraclesWaiting.org yet?? Have you told a friend, spread the word? Embryo adoption is an unknown option, and it has made our dreams come true, so I feel passionate about informing others. Thanks for reading, and helping to spread the word if/when you can. If anyone is considering this option, go to http://www.ivfconnections.net/board/forumdisplay.php?f=58 to bond with others going through the process. It helped me tremendously.

Belly progression . . .

Is that me???

Embryo adoption . . . the story behind this pregnancy

Yes, my children are both adopted. My son is from Florida, and this kiddo in the making is from New Hampshire. We live in CT. We were matched with J*'s birthmother on March 17, 2001 and he was born on July 10th of that year. We were matched with KITM (kiddo in the making)'s biological parents in July of 2006, and he will be born in late August 2007. J* was a fetus at the time we fell in love with him. KITM was a 2PN frozen embryo, stored deep in a lab for about 9 years. We fell in love with him before he was even defrosted, or implanted, or had a heartbeat. J* and KITM were meant to be our children. Its just so obvious to us now.

As I mentioned before, we adopted J* after 4 failed IUI attempts, and broken hearts many times over. We didn't pursue IVF because of the out-of-pocket expense, my marginal psychological health, and for the sake of our marriage. Our beautiful son arrived, and I was over the IF stuff. I thought I had moved on.

Well, those that know me well enough, know that money is a big motivator (or deterrant in some cases) to do things. I started a new job in July of 2005, and oops, it had IVF insurance coverage. Jen/Meddlingkidd may remember our talk in the mall when we met that Spring about me taking this job. I flat out said I was taking it to get pg. And if it didn't work, we'd adopt, since this company also gives $10k reimbursement of adoption expenses. Of course, that fact that it was my dream job, and I love it really took a back seat to all this!

So, after starting the job in July, we did our first IVF in October of 2005. We were so naive. We were so hopeful. At retrieval, we were told I made 26 eggs! Perfect! Even the post-op nurse said we'd probably have a 5-day transfer. Well . . . not! Only 11 eggs were mature, only 2 fertilized, and they both died the morning of day 3. Cycle over right before Thanksgiving. Ouch.

After that horrendous cycle, I knew in my heart that my eggs were shit, and that was the ultimate cause of the IF. I'm fine with that. We'd adopt. At least we tried IVF, and had an answer.

Well, somewhere in my research to find a new domestic agency, I came across Embryo Adoption. I read an article, then another. I asked questions . . . and Jen/Earthchild (who I credit with all of this) told me she did it at her clinic in Long Island, and gave me great advice, and their phone number. I called right away, and got an appointment for a consult in January. There was no wait for embryos, so we chose our donors, and cycled in March. We had two beautiful blasts transferred, but unfortunately, it was a BFN. Bigger Ouch.

After contemplating whether to try again, all of a sudden there was a waiting list for embryos. So I put our name down just in case. I began looking for other sources of embryos, and found the answer . . . www.miracleswaiting.org. That's how we found KITM.