Friday, February 29, 2008

Honor your grief - 2/29/08

Calliope of Creating Motherhood has asked for the infertile blogging community to post about grief, loss and remembrance on this Leap Day. I don't come near having the grief and loss of many recently that I follow in blogland. Perinatal and neonatal loss are ones I will never experience, and I cannot imagine their hurt. But I grieve too, for a few things:

1) I grieve the loss of the biological child never born to us. I was going to say never conceived, but we did create 10 rotten embryos form the two IVF's combined, but they never made it back into me, and died in the lab. I lost hope after that second IVF. There was to be no baby that I could give my husband with our DNA. I have recently observed the clear resemblances of my friend's kids to their parents. We went to a birthday party last weekend, and I could pick out of the crowd the parents of kids I ha never even met. So I grieve that too . . . the loss of never seeing what our biological child would look like.

2) I grieve for my son, J*'s birthmother. She has had the loss of not one, but two biological children to adoption. Yes, it was her choice, but (I hope) she grieved her loss. I also grieve for J*, and the grief he will inevitably feel one day when he comprehends adoption.

3) Cooper may grieve in a similar way too one day. He is not our biological child, but I gestated him. How will he feel when he learns the truth of his origins? He may be fine with it, but I will worry until the day I know.

4) I grieve for my grandmother, that she didn't live to see me graduate high school, college, grad school, get married, know my children, and share the joy in all those events. I miss her, even though its been almost 23 years. She was my first best friend.

I wish peace to everyone else who is recognizing and honoring their grief today.

Thursday, February 28, 2008

I'm fine, really!

Sorry to worry everyone . . . I was just really tired when I wrote the last post, and it came out a bit pathetic. I'm fine! The PPD is not back . . . meds are working perfectly.Sorry to scare some of you, but thanks for caring!

So Cooper is just the perfect 6 month old! He's 16lbs, 10ozs and 26 1/4 inches . . . all 50% percentile for every measure! You'd never know he was frozen for 9 years! He got three shots and the Rotavirus oral vaccine, and maybe cried out with two whimpers. He's so good . . . he never cries unless he's hungry. He's still the fave at daycare, since he's so low maintenance.

He's rolling all over, and hitting all milestones . . . yes, except for eating solids. He's just not interested. The pedi helped me identify that Coop's not eating enough at daycare . . . he never finishes his 7 oz bottles, sometimes only taking 3 oz! So yes, he's hungry at night. I wrote out specific instrux for the daycare girls to feed only every 4 hours and stick with him until he finishes the whole thing. I hope this gets his sleeping/eating worked out.

Of course he STTN last night (9p-5a), but it was probably the effect of the shots. I'll take it!

J* is doing great BTW, he is loving his brother and is much improved with the jealousy. I just make sure he has "mommytime" as often as I can, and it really helps.

Funny J* story . . . we were in the car driving on Sunday, and I had the news radio on. The broadcaster was discussing the Democratic primaries, and named Obama and Clinton at that moment. J* says to me, "Mommy, Obama is running for president". I almost crashed the car. There are adults in this country that may not know that, and my 3 1/2 year old does! But then he said his Nonno is running too, and he is going to win. OK, he really still is 3 1/2!

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Hanging by a thread

I'm tired. Just really tired right now. Cooper is back to eating 1-2 times a night! He will not eat solids at all, so he's probably a bit hungry. CIO didn't work, as we need to sleep, and he'll cry for 2-3 hours! after 2 weeks, we realized it wasn't the solution for us. And its been waking up J* too, which where I drew the line. Coop has his 6-month check-up tomorrow, so hopefully the pedi can give us more guidance.

I'm over extended in every other area of my life too. The doctoral class I'm taking is a lot of time/work this semester, but at least it will be over 4/14. Work is busy. Commuting has been hell . . . no matter the weather, it has been taking me 2 hours to go 30 miles!

Hubby fired his assistant manager last week, so he has been working even more than usual! We barely see each other, and when we do, we are cranky and snippy to each other. We need a vacation. I'm going to talk to my parents and see if they'll stay with the kids at our house for 5 days or so. I need a beach and cool cocktail.

Sigh. I just like I am barely getting through the days. Where is the joy? Who's hiding it, you?

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

20 years ago

. . . I graduated high school. Holy. Effing. Crap. Reunion is in 3 weeks. Why does the post-partum hair loss have to hit now? Unfair. Really unfair.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

to bring you back up to speed with us . . .

I've been having way too much fun with all these blogging giveways, tags, and funny quizzes, and in doing so, I have neglected reporting on us! So here's the quick and dirty:

- after 9 days of CIO, J* went to sleep by himself without crying for three days straight. He got a Star Wars action figure for each time. Since then, he has cried every single night for the last 16 nights. It is getting shorter and shorter, but slowly. I am sticking to my guns. At least he sleeps through the night once asleep, except for the occasional night waking.

- We started Cooper on CIO last night. He slept through the night 10 hours a week or so ago, and 8 straight hours another few nights. He has been waking for a few ounces at night, so its time to stop that. Thanks to AZJenn for the hand-holding during all this! Cooper woke twice last night, the first time he cried for 35 minutes, the second time for about 25 minutes. It was really hard, especially with DH asking me if he should go in, why don't I go in, can't we at least give him the binky, yada, yada. See, I told you he was a wuss!

- Cooper was eating cereal a couple weeks back, but now refuses it and if I try to get it in his mouth, he sort of gags. I never had a tough time feeding J*, so this is strange. Will let him lead on this.

- Coop is now rolling over well, and starting to form sounds. He does a litte "brrr" and a "vuv". Its so darn cute!

-J* is smart as a whip, its almost scary. One night he was running around like crazy, and I said I didn't like him to do that. His response? "Well, mommy, that's not my understanding." WHAAAAAATT!!!! This kid is hysterical!

-My spring semester has started, so I will be busy with a class until April. Bear with me until then . . . I will be "off" of school through the summer, yeah!

If I think of anything else, I'll come back to edit. Time for lunch!

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Seven Random Facts Meme

Tagged by my buddy Jen at Cead Mile Failte!

~Link to the person that tagged you and leave a comment on their blog, so that their readers can visit yours.
~Post the rules on your blog.
~Share 7 random facts about yourself on your blog.
~Tag 7 random people at the bottom of your post, linking to their blog.
~Let each person know by leaving a comment on their blog.

OK, here goes . . .
1. I don't like pasta with fish (think clam sauce, shrimp scampi, etc). I can eat pasta with marinara and separate fish in the same meal, just not when the flavors meld. Yuck.
2. I combine plain yogurt with flavored yogurt to make it 1/2 more healthy. I also combine decaf with regular coffee, so I can have double the cups with less caffeine.
3. I don't get manicures . . .I can't stand when other people do my nails.
4. I have straight A's in my doctoral program so far (just jinxed myself).
5. It takes me 40 minutes to drive to work, but about 1 1/2 hours to get home b/c of traffic.
6. I've been to over 30 Grateful Dead concerts when Jerry was alive. I don't follow the new band.
7. I have a tattoo of a Grateful Dead dancing bare on my right ankle, and my belly button is pierced.

I tag anyone who wants to play!

Friday, February 08, 2008

One world, one heart giveaway

HEY NOW! We have a WINNER! picked number 22, who is beachgrl! She commented "I love crystals and the heart is so pretty and sparkly! My favorite heart is an antique heart locket I bought years ago. I have my two children when they were young inside the locket." Thanks to everyone for playing!

If anyone is interested in purchasing a heart for the cost of materials and shipping, just contact me!

How cool is this? I love these giveaway carnivals, so I just have to join in the fun! And considering I collect hearts, this is perfect for me.

ANYONE can Play! EVEN IF you are not participating with a giveaway you can still ENTER to win on the various blogs. The point is to find new blogs, meet new people. Just Click on the comment tab below, leave link to your blog if you have one and tell me what is your favorite heart item you currently own! Comments will close at 11:59pm on Feb 13th, and the winner will be announced Feb 14th! You must have a blog to enter.

What am I giving away?

I just started beading - literally two days ago . . . because I saw these hearts for sale, and refused to pay for something I could make myself. And I did! I am giving away my very first beaded project . . . a puffy heart made from Swarovski crystals!

Please surf over to the main giveaway page here to see all the other giveaways, and make some new blogging friends!

Is this stating the obvious?

You Are Fairly Normal

You scored 55% normal on this quiz

Like most people you are normal in some ways...
But you aren't a completely normal person. You're a little weird too!

Why You Are Normal:

You think fishnet stockings are trashy

You find the Macarena to be the more embarrassing dance

You think glasses can make someone more attractive

You prefer fiction to non fiction

If you had to, you rather live without music and still have laughter

Why You Aren't Normal:

You'd rather have cockroaches than rats in your home

You would rather be tan than pale

You would not eat meat from a cloned animal

When you're in a car, you prefer to be the passenger

You know a little about many subjects

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Tuesday Toot!

As I lay trying to fall asleep last night, how much I accomplished by myself during the evening. I got both kids to bed by 8:15pm, and was able to prepare Cooper's bottles for today's daycare, unpack yesterday's daycare clothes and bottles, put away recently unused toys in the cabinet where J* can't get them without help, clean up toy cars strewn across the playroom, pick out my work clothes for the next day, and set up the coffee maker for this morning.

Considering we got home at 7:30pm and I went to sleep at 9:30, I think it was a lot accomplished. TOOT TOOT!

**Anyone new to this blog needs to know that just getting my toddler to sleep would take at least 1 1/2 hours before our recent sleep training, so that alone is a big accomplishment. Tooting again!

The Generosity Never Stops

I am so impressed by all these bloggers and internet boutique stores that give away adorable things to other bloggers. I know its great advertising for them, but its still so NICE, don't you think?

Living a Mom's Life is giving away a monogrammed sweater here:

Go check it out!

Monday, February 04, 2008

I've been tagged by Ali!

My first Blog-tag. Yeah!

Here are the rules:
1. You have to post the rules before you give your answers.

2. You must list one fact about yourself beginning with each letter of your middle name. (If you don't have a middle name, use your maiden name).

3. After you are tagged, you need to update your blog with your middle name and your answers.

4. At the end of your blog post, you need to tag one person for each letter of your middle name.
(Be sure to leave them a comment telling them they've been tagged and that they need to read your blog for details.)

Oh, the agony of a long middle name! ELIZABETH . . .

E: energetic in personality, not physically these days unfortunately!
L: LOUD! Just ask any fellow patron in a restaurant.
I: interesting, I hope. If not, then screw you.
Z: Zealot about nutrition, a good night's sleep, exercise, etc (defined at as: n. Enthusiastic devotion to a cause, ideal, or goal and tireless diligence in its furtherance. See Synonyms at passion).
A: alcholic, well almost these days
B: Blogger!
E: easy-going. No, I didn't say EASY (that was in the good 'ol days)
T: timely . . . I hate being late and I hate waiting for late people!
H: happy, yes really!

Well, it says I have to tag 9 people, but I don;t think I even know 9 people who blog. So I tag AZJenn, Jen (Mad's Mommy), CariP, Holly (either on your blog or in a comment here), DivaMomVicki, Jen (meddlingkidd), and Katie, Wanda, all other cycle buddies . . . I will post on our board.

Sunday, February 03, 2008

Another winner!

Thank you to all my contestants! We had 93 entries, but only 65 of you answered my question about adoption, so I chose a winner from among those comments. I truly enjoyed reading each and every one of your responses, and seeing that adoption is so widespread! But only one person mentioned they knew of embryo adoption, which I hope now you all know something about!

I love to crochet and do other crafts like needlepoint and such, and it was wonderful to be able to show my work and get such positive feedback. This was sooooo much fun . . . I have decided to giveway handmade things every month! So everyone please stop by my blog the last week of each month to enter to win something handmade by me!

Drumroll please . . . . Mommyofmany at is my second winner! She wins the handmade crochet baby sweater.

She wrote: "My hubby's brother & his wife recently adopted two special needs children from China. They've been so good to allow us to live the process with them through their blog! Thanks for the beautiful giveaway!"

Friday, February 01, 2008

Winner #1!

The winner of the Keepsake Baby Boy set is nor_lou at Silly Mom to 2 Silly Girls!. I have emailed the winner, so please reply within 48 hours, or I will choose another winner!

Congratulations to the winner! Thanks for playing everyone!