Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Operation Underwear: Status = failure

No go. Spiderman underwear and Lightning McQueen underwear were not enough to get J* on the potty. Two wet accidents didn't help. Bribing with tattoos, glow sticks, and other "presents" didn't cut it. Putting him on the potty every hour didn't help. And the finale of poop in the underwear with the announcement of its arrival seconds afterwards was enough for me. He isn't ready. Its ok, it was worth the try and now we know. He's only 2yr 7mths, so we'll let it alone and try again in a month.

At least he looked damn cute in his big boy underwear!

Saturday, February 24, 2007

Pregnancy Guilt

I am infertile. I never forget that. I find myself working hard to remind everyone else of that, however, as news of my pregnancy spreads. My standard phrase is "I'm pregnant, by the miracle of modern science", or "I'm pregnant, but this baby is adopted too . . . ". I have to admit, the latter has been my favorite lately, just for pure shock value, and to see the look on some faces is just priceless!

Why do I feel so guilty? This is a rhetorical question, BTW. I am telling you why. Its because infertility leaves deep, permanent scars. For the past 5 1/2 years, it has been my identity. We infertiles flock together . . . we have secret clubs (message boards) and a secret language to ourselves (IVF, ICSI, BFN, beta, FET, gonal-f, RE, etc). Going through infertility treatments is so horrid, so stressful, so EXPENSIVE, but it is who I am. But now I'm pg, and I feel someewhat guilty about that.

BUT, I am also extremely proud of the road we took to get here. If not for the infertility, we would not have our PERFECT little boy sleeping upstairs right now. I would not have the wonderful friends I've made through his adoption process, nor the friends from the infertility boards. I've actually bonded with a few others at work, who admitted to their infertility struggles since hearing my story.

And we would never have this little guy growing inside me, or be blessed to know the family for which we are eternally grateful for, who gave us this GIFT. Our extended family has grown forever, and we look forward to a lifetime together.

My next few posts will take you through embryo adoption, and our experience coming to meet and bond with our donors.

Monday, February 19, 2007

GULP! 13 weeks!

For those of you who NEED to see my growing belly, feast your eyes (LOL). . . I guess its a bit bigger. Now that the little sucker is above my pubic bone, he's starting to stretch out and make himself at home!!

And for those asking, no name picked out yet. I'm sure it will come down to the wire, just like last time.

I have been doing baby crafts like crazy, and the only 4 women that I know are pregnant are having boys too, so there's lots of blues and primary colors around. But for some reason, I ust can't start to make something for my SON. Its still a bit scary. I have plenty of time anyway, so I think I'll just keep looking around for that perfect project. If you're expecting a girl, or matched with a birthmother of a girl, let me know. I may need to take a blue break and make something pink!

Oh, my other weekend project - maternity shorts made from old shorts I never wear anymore! Credit goes to KellyGreenT for showing the pattern on FBA. It was just a trial, but definitely easy! Excuse my underwear lines . . . I'm off to buy bigger sizes today!!

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Finally, some ultrasound pics for you!

This is a profile of the little guy at 12w1d.

Here is the proof he is a little "guy"!

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Great NT scan and early money shot!!

We had our NT scan this morning and everything looks great! Nuchal fold (test for Down's and a few other defects) was within normal range (it was 1.2cm) and all else was good as well. Open fingers, no club feet, 4 chambers of the heart!

I was scheduled at the hospital that I used to work at, so I went early to track down my friend who is the #1 ultrasound guy (will be the new VP of American Institute of Ultrasound in Medicine next month) so he could do it for us. He did my very first u/s for my very first IUI back in 2002, and he knows all we've been through. He did an incredibly detailed scan, including a peak at the genitals . . .

If anyone could tell this early, I knew he could! A great big thank you to my buddy Oscar.

It's a BOY! U/S pics to be posted later!!!

Thursday, February 08, 2007

What? I'm not Superwoman?

Reality is truly hard to swallow. I bit off more than I could chew. I couldn't handle it all, and I was forced to do something about it. Damn!

I have been just dragging. And so frazzled. For those that don't know, I started a doctoral program in Clinical Nutrition last September, and took my first class in the Fall semester. I got an A! So, I went ahead and took two classes this semester to get ahead, since I may miss a semester with a newborn this fall. I figure I could get at least a B in each class and still not be overwhelmed. Wrong call.

I made the decision yesterday to drop one of my courses as I just couldn't handle the 2 at a time, plus working, being pg, and being mommy to crazy-boy toddler!!! Oh, and a wife too, I always forget about that. Guess I'm not the superwoman I thought I was. Damn!

But to tell you the truth, I am relieved. I want to enjoy my family time on nights and weekends, instead of spending it on the computer or at the library. I want to enjoy being pregnant and all that goes with it. Oh, and I want to take naps. I love naps.

So, the new me. Streamlining, simplifying, going a bit slower. Doesn;t sound too bad . . . wonder what else I can get rid of . . . any ideas?

Monday, February 05, 2007

Nausea, nausea, go away . . .

Holy crap! I have been sooooo nauseated from Thursday night through today. What's going on?? I though it gets better as you approach 13 weeks, not worse! Ugh. This blows. Couldn't even indulge in Super Bowl food yesterday. Nothing is appealing except pretzels. I LOVE pretzels. Best thing ever invented.

11 weeks today. I think I wore my Hilfiger jeans for the last time yesterday . . . had to unbutton them while sitting. TG that my black jeans have plenty more room in them, b/c I'm not ready for maternity pants as they are way to big. I guess this is the "I don't look pg, I just look fat stage". I don't care, I just want to be comfortable. And I'm sure if and when I ever poop again, I will feel a bit better, and maybe can wear those jeans again. Shrug.

I had dinner with my friend Robyn on Friday night, and I finally asked her all the details about her pregnancy. My best friend. We never discussed it before. I feel badly that I wasn't there for her when she went through the vomiting, post-partum yuckiness, etc, but I was in no frame of mind at the time to want to hear it. I was infertile and pissed off. I think she knows that. I hope she doesn't hate me for it.