The background . . .

I have been tentative to get into the story behind our story, b/c I wasn't sure if it would really work out. I would close this blog if the pg ends prematurely, so I was not ready to commit to the task of getting everything down in print. But hey, I am pregnant (!) for now, so I may as well dive in.

The story of our Son:

We starting TTC the month BEFORE our wedding, b/c I knew we'd (I'd) have trouble. I had an ovarian cyst when I was 27 and didn't have a period for 9 months. that is when I started reading about PCOS, and self-diagnosed myself. I had also been on depo-provera for 2 years while we were dating, which definitely screwed me up, now that I look back. Plus, eating disorders tend to not be a good thing, right? Been there, done that.

Anyway, we tried for 9 months, and then I lied to my doc that it had been a year, and we starting testing, and IUI's. At the time, we had no insurance converage for IF treatments, so every dime that left our pockets hit me through the heart. Oh, the guilt! My inability to have a natural pg was costing us a fortune . . . and I quickly lost my mind. We did 4 iui's over the course of a year and few months, and I was physically and mentally DONE. FINITO. I shut down.

We started talking about adoption the summer of 2003, but myhubby was not ready to even consider it for another few months. I guess that well of depression I fell into sort of gave him a clear hint I was going bonkers. Oh, and there was that Christening for his cousin's first baby that I made a fool of myself at in 2002, b/c I was just sobbing and sobbing. Not my fault, I told him I didn't want to go! Mind you, that was only after the 2nd IUI.

Sometime during the fall of 2003, we decided that we'd begin the adoption process in February of 2004. I can't remember why we chose that date, but I do remember that I felt better knowing we had a plan. At least for a little while! My friend Erica may remember our first night out for cocktails in November after returning from maternity leave. We were married only 2 weeks apart, so after a cocktail or two, she asked me when were we going to have a baby. Well, since I'm usually a drink ahead of everyone, I looked her straight in the eye and said, "we're not, b/c I can't have any". I will certainly never forget the look on her face, nor will she probably ever forget the feeling of her stomach hitting the floor. I am so sorry I said that, and she knows it (we've talked about it many times in the past years), but it really felt good to just let it out. And yes, I get a bit dramatic on martinis.

So that's how I remember the timeline, b/c we went on to have the conversation that drunken night that we were starting adoption in February. It felt even better to let that cat of the bag, and that's probably where the wheels starting turning and never stopped. About a week later, I had convinced my hubby that if we were going to adopt anyway, why wait till Feb?? So we (I) started the paperwork immediately, and announced to our families on Christmas Day our plans to adopt. It is such a wonderful memory of a happy Christmas.

Well, for some reason, the completed paperwork sat on my desk in a stamped and addressed envelope for weeks. I had worked so hard to complete it quickly, but I just could not put it in the mail. Once I did, I new we'd be "waiting" and that was terrifying. I did finally mail it in the middle of January, we took the required weekend and online classes, and we had our homestudy visits in February. The homestudy was completed March 12th, 2004. Now we really began "the wait" that may last a very long time until our baby found us.