I am infertile. I never forget that. I find myself working hard to remind everyone else of that, however, as news of my pregnancy spreads. My standard phrase is "I'm pregnant, by the miracle of modern science", or "I'm pregnant, but this baby is adopted too . . . ". I have to admit, the latter has been my favorite lately, just for pure shock value, and to see the look on some faces is just priceless!
Why do I feel so guilty? This is a rhetorical question, BTW. I am telling you why. Its because infertility leaves deep, permanent scars. For the past 5 1/2 years, it has been my identity. We infertiles flock together . . . we have secret clubs (message boards) and a secret language to ourselves (IVF, ICSI, BFN, beta, FET, gonal-f, RE, etc). Going through infertility treatments is so horrid, so stressful, so EXPENSIVE, but it is who I am. But now I'm pg, and I feel someewhat guilty about that.
BUT, I am also extremely proud of the road we took to get here. If not for the infertility, we would not have our PERFECT little boy sleeping upstairs right now. I would not have the wonderful friends I've made through his adoption process, nor the friends from the infertility boards. I've actually bonded with a few others at work, who admitted to their infertility struggles since hearing my story.
And we would never have this little guy growing inside me, or be blessed to know the family for which we are eternally grateful for, who gave us this GIFT. Our extended family has grown forever, and we look forward to a lifetime together.
My next few posts will take you through embryo adoption, and our experience coming to meet and bond with our donors.