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This picture from last night just cracks me up. What do you think he is thinking? Best caption wins a prize! I'll make you a siggy for your message board.

Thanks everyone . . .

We are doing ok. For those who didn't know, I was on Prozac for years and years before, so we went with that since it worked really well for me.

I have hired a sitter to come from 6-9pm on Tues and Fridays when I am usually alone with the two boys. We've started formula for 1/2 the feeds and I am still BF half-time for now. I am not ready to give it up completely, and I have critically reviewed the clinical literature on transfer of Prozac or Ativan into breastmilk, and well, its inconclusive. So I will wean in my own time.

Question of the day: Can someone tell me how my 3-year old (adopted) son and my newborn (adopted embry) son inherited my husband's annoying habit of sleeping loudly? No wonder I am sleep deprived . . . everyone snores around here!

Ummmmm, DUH!

Sorry I haven't been in more touch, but I have officially lost it. The sleep deprivation caused insomnia, which in turn led to anxiety attacks. Sunday afternoon I almost went to the ER, b/c I felt like I was losing my mind. Hubby was great, and let me cry it out, but I went to the DR on Monday and yes . . . I have been diagnosed with post-partum anxiety/depression. How I didn't see that coming I have no idea . . . its been coming on for weeks. And I've been a horrible mom to J* and C*,and that makes me cry more when I think about it. Now I am mad at myself for not getting help sooner, b/c the meds (prozac) will take 6 weeks to 3 months to work. In the meantime, I have Ativan to knock me out at night, and poor Hubby is on his own. Its hell at our house.

Oh, and I have to stop breastfeeding which is good and bad. I'm sad I can't continue, but it has been very

stressful for me for some reason. I had plenty of milk . . . I guess the every 2-3 hours thing was adding to the sleep deprivation. And I was stressed about pumping enough milk for Hubby to have enough to feed once in the night. Anyway, i am weaning this week, and trying to enjoy our last nursing sessions together. And BTW, formula really smells something awful!! I had forgotten about that!

Thanks for listening . . .

We've come full circle . . .

Guess who came to dinner on Sunday? Cooper's DONORS!

We are so incredibly lucky to have such a wonderful relationship with them. We are truly blessed. They came with their son and daughter, and my parents and inlaws too. A day to remember, for sure. We plan to get together at least once a year, if not more. They are great people, even if they are Red Sox fans. Noone is perfect, I guess . . .

I did it!

Yeah me!

I got both boys to sleep by 9:15pm on Saturday night ALL BY MYSELF!! Hubby gets home from the restaurant at 2or 3am on Saturdays.

Yes, by sheer luck, C* conked out by 9pm after I tanked him up with close feedings late in the evening. Then I took J* to sleep with me in my bed . . . no, not the optimal solution, but it worked for survival mode.

Now if only I slept well that night . . . I kept checking on C* in his crib, seeing if he was cold (it was our first really cold night here), or rolling J* over so he wasn't snoring in my ear, or thinking/worrying about not falling asleep before the next feeding time. Hmm, that's insomnia, right?

Thanks for asking . . .

. . . but we are still hanging by a thread around our house. Its not worse, but not better. That's ok, we can make it through. Thanks for checking on us!

And your reward . . . a few pictures!

Opinion doesn't matter much I guess . . .

Everyone CONSTANTLY says how much Jax looks like Daddy . . . almost eerily so, given he's not bio-related. I get jealous sometimes, but its really true. He is the spitting image of him!

Well, the computer doesn't think so. I win this one!! I did this twice, with different pictures. The first time, Jax looked more like me by 3%.

The view from down here . . .

Can you all see me! I'm over here, waving, frantically! Where, you ask?

Here, at ROCK BOTTOM!!

Holy cow, I didn't think it could be worse than before, but, uh, yeah, it can. Sleep training?? Who's fucking bright idea was that?? Am I blame you guys too . . . why in the world would you encourage me to take on such a doomed feat, with a newborn and a husband who is not strong enough to battle to beast of toddlerdom?? UGH!

I got the book, The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers . . .and it makes great sense. Perfect sense even. We didn;t have an effective bed-time routine that was relaxing, and transitioning into sleep time. Jax was also probably overtired, since we put him to bed late (just based on our schedule). So we started to quiet down the evening activities, and go to bed earlier. Well, the kicking, screaming, and crying on all our parts brought me to the brink last night. I GIVE UP.

For now at least. We will just be winging it for now, until Cooper is sleeping more. Enough said.

I must have super-milk!

4-week check-up this morning and my chunk-a-lunck gained a whopping 1 lb 13 oz and 1/2 inch in two weeks! He is now 8 lbs 15 oz and 21 inches long. He is a completely different baby than the one that came out of me!