A Family, Created

The Waiting Game

2011-08-16T07:54:00.000-05:00

So, I had my endocrinology consult on August 5th. There were no surprises. She reviewed the pathology report with me again, and confirmed I would need Radioactive Iodine Ablation (RAI) of any remaining cells, since the cancer had to metasticized to at least 5 lymph nodes.

RAI is both diagnostic and therapeutic: It will show if there are any thyroid cancer cells left in my neck, or if there happens to be any distant metastases (please God, no). Even if there is cancer still present, the radioactive iodine will destroy (ablate) any of it left. Pretty cool.

Problem is . . . I need two injections of a drug called thyrogen, in the days before the RAI treatment, to prep my body. Well, there is a "worldwide shortage" of that drug, so I cannot have the treatment at this point in time.

I really can't make this shit up.

So I am on the "waiting list" for treatments, once the manufacturer produces more. It is expected that there will be an announcement as to when the drug will be available by the end of this month.

So I wait. Again.

You do all know I HATE waiting!!!!!!!!!!???

Back to work, back to life

2011-07-29T11:22:00.002-05:00

I started back to work this past Monday. I felt good (relatively speaking) for the first 3 days, but yesterday afternoon, I hit the wall. I was so tired, I could barely walk at about 3pm. I made my way through the last hour of work, picked up my big boy at the camp bus-stop, got the little one from daycare, and headed to the pool. Daddy did swim duty while I relaxed and chatted with a friend.

I have gained 5 pounds in the last 2 weeks though! I'm sure my replacement synthroid dose must be too low. I am really not eating more food that I usually do, and I'm much more active than I was the week before surgery and the three weeks after. I guess we'll find out next Friday.

I used to be a real fan of Viactiv calcium supplements. But taking 6 a day for the past few weeks, and I am just gagging already. Can't wait to stop those :)

On a bright note, we were just given 4 front row seats the a home Yankee game on Sunday afternoon! I'm so excited to see the new stadium, and for the boys to enjoy an afternoon at the ball park.

back to work tomorrow . . .

2011-07-24T09:47:00.003-05:00

I am as healed as I will be for now, so I am back to work tomorrow. I've been gone for four weeks! I have never been away from work for that long. Ever.

My next appointment is with the oncology-endocrinologist at MSKCC on August 5th. She will take over my care from the surgeon at that point. She will dose my thyroid meds, watch my calcium levels, and talk about the plan for the radioactive iodine treatments.

So, at this point, I am in a holding pattern for 2 more weeks. Guess I will enjoy the summer for now!

So that was fun!

2011-07-10T06:11:00.004-05:00

At least I haven't lost my sarcastic edge after surgery ;)

We arrived at MSKCC at 5:45am on Tuesday to check-in for surgery. They were
ready and waiting for me. I continue to be so impressed by the smooth workings
of the institution, in regards to appointments, communications, etc.

They brought me to the pre-op area where I changed into a gown and those awesome
slippers with the no-slip bottoms. They gave me a garment bag to hand my clothes in and
they tagged it with a sticker from my medical chart. They added it to a rolling garment rack and told us it would be delivered to my room after surgery. Thanks!

The nurse placed an IV after taking vital signs. Reviewed medical history, met with anesthesiologist, then surgical fellow who marked the correct side of my neck for surgery (with a good old sharpie!), and I was good to go by 7am. We hung out until about 7:20, when they came to fetch me. They had me walk myself to the OR and climb up on the table. No taxi service going in.

There were about 9 people in the OR, and everyone introduced themselves and were so nice. My surgeon came in to check on me and he put me right at ease. When they were ready, they started the IV and I was out before the oxygen mask coming towards me even touched my face. Love that part! I woke up seconds later in the PACU, although it was already noon. I dozed in and out for another 4 hours in the recovery room, before being transferred to my room on the 17th floor. I hazily remember my husband visiting me in the recovery room at about 2pm, and that he told me Dr. Wong took out 10-15 lymph nodes instead of just the five he planned from the pre-op ultrasound. Lovely. My cancer just keeps getting bigger and bigger. i always was an overachiever ;)

I had a corner room, overlooking the East River and my old campus of Rockefeller University and the 59th Street Bridge. How strange to be back so close to it all-and looking down at it from Sloan :(

All my nurses and techs were excellent! Thank you to Stephanie, my day RN (three times!) from Jersey City who was just adorable. My night nurse (three times too!) Victoria was fantastic as well. Jen, my day RN one shift, has a brother having knee surgery at Greenwich Hospital this coming Wednesday! Small world. And Lauren, my night tech, was the best of all. I was so grateful for being blessed with a great team. Oh! And the IV tech who took my blood a few times was hysterical. I forget your name, but thanks for the packet of McD's ketchup...it saved that turkey burger for me :)

The worst part of the post-op time was the unbelievably, incredible horrible sore throat I had from being intubated for the four-hour surgery. It took 2 full days before I could swallow somewhat comfortably, even with pain meds. My parents brought Jackson to visit me on Wednesday evening. He climbed in bed with me for a bit, brought me flowers, and then went to eat fried shrimp and french fries with Daddy. Nothing changes!

The neck drain was uncomfortable and ugly, especially the darn tube and collection tub thingie. Yuck. Poor Lauren had the job of emptying that puppy and measuring my output. God bless her! Luckily by Thursday afternoon, the drainage was almost nothing, so I could go home Friday morning. My neck is sore and tired, and starting to turn into a yucky pre-bruised yellowish/greenish color. Can't wait to see the final color palette. The incision is pretty small, considering how far my doc dug back to get those nodes on the right side. He tried very hard to keep the incision small and centered, so he told Michael he "tunneled" his way back to get them all. Ewww. What's cool is that I have no stitches...just glue and steri-strips keeping my neck closed. I'll try
to pat a picture so you can see.

and here was the view from my swanky upper east side junior suite:

I go back next Friday to see the surgeon, have some post-op tests, get the dressing removed from the incision, and hear the final pathology report. Please, please....no more surprises!

Please?

T minus one day and counting

2011-07-04T09:16:00.001-05:00

By this time tomorrow, I will be 1/2 through the surgery. Please pray my vocal chords remain intact, so I can whoop it up like I know how!

Thanks for all the well wishes, everyone. It really helps.

Soon, this will all be a blur, and I can get on with my summer :)

Not digging this cancer shit

2011-06-28T12:54:00.002-05:00

Just when I had prepared myself for a "simple" surgery of totally removing my thyroid, I get crapped on again. I had my pre-op clearance tests yesterday. Lo and behold, it appears the cancer has spread to 5 lymph nodes near the original tumor. Hmmff. I go from stage 1 to stage 2 cancer in a matter of hours. And I will have a neck resection with the thyroidectomy.

This means a 4-hour surgery instead of 2 hour surgery, and a 5 inch incision instead of a 2-inch cut. I will be in the hospital 3 nights instead of one, because I'll need a drain in my neck after surgery. Lovely.

It threw me for a loop. I'm scared all over again.

Treatment Update

2011-06-09T10:19:00.002-05:00

So, this week has been busy. I had a consult with a head and neck cancer surgeon at Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center on Monday morning. It went very well. Both Michael and I liked him immediately, and he was knowledgeable, confident, and actually nice. That's rare for surgeons (at least the ones I know ;). The worst part, but the coolest part, was when he threaded a thin tube with a camera down my nose and into my throat. He was taking pictures of my vocal chords when I sang a high note and a low note. He does this to document the integrity of my vocal chords now, and will re-test after surgery, to see if any intra-operative damage occurred. Apparently, the thyroid gland sits on top of the trachea and vocal chords, so when its removed, it needs to be very carefully peeled away. There is a chance that the chords can be stretched or severed. That may make some people I know very happy - I am quite loud!

Yesterday was my consult at Yale with another surgeon. Now I know why its important to get a second opinion! We did not like him at all. He was old, he mumbled, and he seemed bored with my case. His resident also made many mistakes when telling us about the procedure before the big surgeon came in. He said I'd have a neck drain for two days! Luckily, he was wrong. Eww. They also did the vocal chord test, but he barely explained it to me, didn't ask for my permission or for me to sign consent. He shoved that thing down my nose with no regard to me, and it hurt. At least at Sloan, they numbed my nostrils and throat, and went slowly and gently.

The only pro to using Yale is that it can be done quickly, as in two weeks from today. They don't require any further pre-op testing. Sloan wants a confirmation ultrasound, during which they'll evaluate my lymph nodes . . . if they are suspicious, they'd want a biopsy of those, so they can take them out during the thyroid surgery. Surgery at Sloan would be after July 4th sometime.

I feel better, more calm. At least I made a choice, and feel comfortable with the surgeon. It is strange that he is about my age. Wow. When did I grow up?

This pisses me off even more . .

2011-05-31T07:22:00.001-05:00

Hum Reprod. 2008 Feb;23(2):451-6. Epub 2007 Dec 6.
Risk of thyroid cancer after exposure to fertility drugs: results from a large Danish cohort study.
Hannibal CG, Jensen A, Sharif H, Kjaer SK.

Department of Viruses, Hormones and Cancer, Institute of Cancer Epidemiology, Danish Cancer Society, Strandboulevarden 49,2100 Copenhagen, Denmark.

BACKGROUND:

Findings from the few epidemiological studies that have investigated thyroid cancer risk after fertility drugs have been inconclusive. Using data from the largest cohort of infertile women to date, we examined the effects of fertility drugs on thyroid cancer risk.
METHODS:

A cohort of 54 362 women with infertility problems referred to Danish fertility clinics in the period 1963-1998 was established. A detailed data collection including information about type and amount of treatment was conducted. Using case-cohort techniques, we calculated rate ratios (RRs) of thyroid cancer associated with different fertility drugs after adjustment for age at first live birth.

RESULTS:

A total of 29 thyroid cancers were identified during follow-up through 2000. Use of clomiphene [RR = 2.28; 95% confidence interval (CI): 1.08-4.82] or progesterone (RR = 10.14; 95% CI: 1.93-53.33) was associated with an increased thyroid cancer risk, although the latter estimate was based on few cases. When stratifying for parity status, the risk was primarily associated with clomiphene (RR = 3.09; 95% CI: 1.21-7.88) in parous women. No significantly increased risk was found after use of gonadotrophins, hCG or GnRH. We observed no association with number of cycles of use or years since first use (latency).

CONCLUSIONS:

Clomiphene and possibly progesterone may increase thyroid cancer risk, particularly among parous women. Longer follow-up is needed to confirm our findings.

I look good with cancer, right?

2011-05-26T20:44:00.001-05:00

Just kidding. This was me on our trip to Jamaica in may while awaiting the biopsy results, just before I knew what was cooking in my throat ;)

I have thyroid cancer? Ah, shit...

2011-05-26T19:54:00.000-05:00

As of now, it’s probably papillary carcinoma, which is 95% "curable", especially for those under 45 years old, and for the size of my tumor. Unfortunately, there is that 5%, which doesn't sound like much . . . but only 5% of all thyroid lumps are cancerous, and I already got crapped on with those odds.

When they take it out, they’ll be able to tell if it was papillary, or one of 3 other types of thyroid cancers that are either just as curable or very aggressive. I’m not thinking about those now

So, basically, I have the surgery to get the thyroid out. They examine the tumor and decide what type it was. During the surgery, they biopsy the lymph nodes around the area to see if it has spread. If it was papillary cancer, then I’ll get a month for recovery (in the summer, yay!) and then take a dose of radioactive iodine, which travels to any remaining tumor cells and kill them off. Done deal.

If the papillary cancer has spread to the lymph nodes (50% of the time it does, ugh), then I'll need a radical neck resection to remove those. They can only do one side of the neck at a time, with two months between surgeries, b/c of risk of swelling, and the extensiveness of that surgery.

I'm looking at 1, 2, or 3 surgeries, plus radioactive iodine. I'll glow in the dark, so you won't miss me :)

Reunion time!

2010-08-23T18:35:00.001-05:00

We rented a house in Rockport, MA for a week. It just so happens its close to Cooper's bio-family's hometown. They came for the day on Sunday and we had an unbelievably awesome time. Come to think of it . . .we always do!

as time goes by

2010-08-15T07:49:00.004-05:00

they get bigger and bigger!

Jackson turned six in July, and got a great new short haircut for summer:

and Coop is learning to swim and just loves the water . . .

Now, is there anything better than an ice cream treat in the hot summer sun??

Finally

2010-05-27T10:08:00.001-05:00

The pool is open.

Enough said.

Is it Summer yet?

2010-03-31T07:22:00.001-05:00

What a winter. Rain! Snow! Rain! We lost 5 straight days of school in March due to a rainstorm that brought down trees and power lines. The last day of school has been extended to June 30th.

I'm blogging, b/c my work internet is randomly unblocked today. HELLO BLOGWORLD!

Quick update on the family:
Jax is finishing kindergarten and is doing wonderfully. He just got a great report card :) He's really doing well with independent reading and money values. His maturity has grown, but is still as handful at home.

Coop loves school, so much so that he threw a fit yesterday b/c he couldn't go to school with a fever. Too funny. He is definitely getting the terrible two's attitude at times, but its manageable. And he's just too darn cute when he's throwing a fit!

I continue to knit crochet, make jewerly and now: Weaving! I gave myself an early 40th bday present of a loom, and it arrived yesterday. Can't wait to play!

I was offered a wonderful job in MD/DC, but the money wasn't quite right to make such a huge move and uproot the family. SO I am stuck here at this job until I find something better, or make this one worth staying for. We're getting a new boss at the end of April, so I hope it goes better than we expect.

If anyone is reading, say hi!

Overdue update

2009-08-26T18:41:00.002-05:00

We had an utterly unbelievablly fantastic time with Coop's bio-fam. Lovely. Memorable. Touching. Fun.

Here's a pic of Coop and his bio-sibs, who were all created on the same day in the same petri dish back in 1997. But they are 9, 6, and 2 years old. And they all have their own look, right?

upcoming fun!

2009-07-31T18:39:00.003-05:00

We are having special guests for the weekend! Cooper's bio-family are coming down for the weekend to visit us, and take a trip to the Statue of Liberty! Since we are very bad local tourists, both me and the hubs have never been (despite being born and raised within 45 minutes of the statue). Needless to say, we are all going together. We are excited!

In other news, J* has started Tae Kwon Doe this week. He's really enjoying it! And we are hoping for some energy outlet, and learning of discipline and respect. He has gotten quite difficult in the past weeks . . . perhaps the thought of Kindergarten is overwhelming him?

Here is my big boy, on graduation day from Pre-K.

Five Years

2009-07-10T18:59:00.002-05:00

Five years ago today, about this time of the evening, we got the call. M* was in labor, and we had to get to Florida pronto. Unfortunately, it was a Sunday. He was born 11:50pm, but we weren't there. We met him about 11 hours later when we walked into that hospital room and fell in love.

Five years later, that love has exploded into immeasurable amounts.

Happy Birthday big boy!

First picture with mommy:

The first "moment" . . . .

2009-06-13T20:13:00.002-05:00

of way too many, I'm sure.

One of J*'s 2nd cousins told him he's adopted.

Not such a big deal, but J* didn't understand the word in the context. I wasn;t there, so don't now the situation. I was at a bridal shower and hubby was working. J* was with my FIL and the men of that side of the family at my in-laws pool while we were trapped at bridal shower hell ;)

This 8 year old boy is certainly not malicious or mean in any way I have ever seen, so I don't even know how it came up. My FIL actually didn't tell me until today (saturday, and the shower was last Sunday). The boy said it to J* and J* went to his grandpa to ask why he said it.

My heart broke the instant I heard this.

How many times after this first moment will he have to deal with such a question? It takes my breath away.

Now, it really was just a mishap that J* didn't understand the boy's meaning. J* knows he grew in another woman's tummy. He even knows her name by heart. He mentions her a lot. He knows what state he was born in. He knows his brother came from NH too. He knows the situation . . . just not the word. ADOPTED.

So we talked about it tonight. He understands its just another word for what he has always known. The truth. Just not the label.

An he had the perfect answer to my question of what would he say if someone asked him/told him that again?

"DUH! Of course! My mommy and daddy chose me!"

I love every single morsel of that kid.

true momma

2009-05-07T17:51:00.002-05:00

you know you're truly a momma when you give up front row Yankee tickets so your 4 1/2 year-old son can go to a baseball game with his grandpa.

I'm so grown-up!

words, they come a-tumbling

2009-05-05T05:29:00.002-05:00

The Coop brings home a new word every day now! Horse! Nose! Fruit! Pasta! Manny! (Handy Manny if you're curious).

And he is connecting things in that adorable little brain of his . . . he points to the stainless coffee cup and says Dada! He points to the ratty slippers by door and says Mama! Brilliant, I say!

And of course he can now connect words too - that little overachiever! More bubbles! No Mama! Bye bye Dada! And, of course, MORE PASTA!

It's me!

2009-04-27T15:11:00.000-05:00

I guess I suck even more than I thought! I haven’t made a blog post in over two months. So sorry! (not that anyone is even still reading . . . .)

But if anyone is still checking in on us, you’re in luck! I started my new (old) job last week, and now I can blog again. Actually, its all I can do. Most of the internet is blocked . . . so I can’t Facebook, Ravelry, shop, visit message boards, see Flickr pictures, or look up most other things. BUT, I can blog in Microsoft Word and post it when I get home. So that’s the plan.

Now, on to the interesting stuff! Today is a big day in our house! J* is registering for Kindergarten! And . . . Cooper starts his first day in the big boy room at daycare! Wow, both my boys are getting so big. If you know me, then you know I am quite happy about this. The baby stage is just so hard for me for some reason.

It looks like Coop will be moving to a big boy bed soon too. He refuses to go to sleep in his crib, and if we move him in there after he falls asleep, he screams his head off if he wakes up in the night, and is inconsolable until you bring him to a bed or the couch. Sigh. I have failed twice as this sleep thing. Oh well, at least they eat vegetables, right?

Cooper got a real haircut yesterday too. Now he really looks like a big boy. No more curls! But it looks so much better. Before, he looked like a mad scientist by the afternoon with those curls sticking up! Hopefully I can post a picture later.

Yes, I suck

2009-02-16T17:32:00.002-05:00

Get your filthy mind out of the gutter! I suck at blogging, yo!

Quick note to say hello, and to confirm that its just the same old continuous madness in our household. J* woke up in the middle of the night screaming Ouchie!!! over and over, which meant he had a raging ear infection. Now on ABs and drops and 12 hours of TV, he's doing fine.

The Coop, on the other hand, is the healthy one, for once! Those ear tubes are golden. He is talking up a storm, saying apple, birdie, car, tree, fish, baby, ball, oh yeah, more, and NO! And can this kid eat!?! He SHOVELED in the chopped tomatoes from the Bruschetta at a baptism party last night, and is currently oohing and aahing over ravioli and broccoli.

And least I did one thing right.

PS - that new job is still on hold . . .they froe the hiring to re-evaluate the department's stucture. Will know more on Wednesday.

Facing Another Big Decision

2009-01-22T08:48:00.002-05:00

This one has to do with my career.

I spend 2-3 hours a day commuting into the city for my dream job. I love my job, but it leaves me no free personal time, or time with the boys other than what we spend on dinner, bath-time, and reading before bed. I am worried about when J* starts Kindergarten in the fall, and when they both start after-school sports in a few years. Will I be the mom who CAN'T go to the games?

Its not that I was looking for an immediate solution to these questions. But one popped up yesterday. My old job, which is 4 minutes from my house, is available, and my old boss took me to dinner last night to pursue re-hiring me.

Its not my dream job . . . it'll be a step back in title, and a world away from my current career path (it would be clinical instead of research), but it is an ideal situation in every other way.

So I am faced with the horrible decision of choosing career over family. And its making my stomach very ill.

I think I've done alright so far . . .

2009-01-15T09:21:00.003-05:00

How do you discuss adoption with your children? We read J* a book a lot called "The Day We Met You" and I change some of the words to make it more personalized. I have a book for Cooper, called "Before You Were Born: Our Wish for Baby" that is about frozen embryo adoption. I haven't started with it yet, but I will.

J* remembers the time when Cooper was growing inside me. He says things like, remember when we went to the carnival and I rode the roller coaster by myself, because you had Cooper in your tummy and couldn't go with me?" This kid has a memory like an elephant!

He did ask me once about when he grew in my tummy. We had a short conversation when I explained that he grew in another woman's tummy for us, b/c mommy couldn't grow babies back then. Avery special woman grew him for us, and her name was M*. That was about 8 months ago, if I remember correctly.

About a month ago, he mentioned her name once (and with perfect pronunciation, no less). Last night, my FIL was putting him in my car and was saying how he would miss him while he was in FL for the weekend. The poor man's jaw hit the snowy ground when J* asked him to say hello to M* for him, b/c "she grew me in her tummy, you know".

Unbelievable.

New Pictures

2009-01-06T09:04:00.005-05:00

These were taken last week by Cooper's most loving daycare teacher . . .

J-man and his friend K-man:

Coop playing piano:

Coop eating, then inspecting, his banana:

I'm still here!

2009-01-06T08:37:00.003-05:00

Sorry for the quiet . . . I got overwhelmed with holiday stuff from before Thanksgiving, and am just digging myself out from under it all now.

I am making a NY resolution to blog at least once per week. If I don't, please yell at me!

The boys are doing great . . . Coop is talking more and more, and J* is turning into such a little man and a great big brother. Will post a more detailed update with pictures very soon.

Double pinky swear.

Decision made

2008-11-17T14:08:00.003-05:00

We've decided that we don't want to add to our family anymore. We are happy, complete. And knowing that feels really nice. Thank you all for your comments. You guys are the best!

A big decision

2008-11-04T08:17:00.000-05:00

The quandry in a nutshell . . . Cooper's bio family have been storing 3 remaining embryos. They have decided their family is complete. They have offered them to us, or they will be discarded.

Storage fees are $400 per year. I kinda think we're done too, financially, physically and emotionally. But how can I be sure?

What would you do?

The Winnahhhhhh!

2008-11-01T09:33:00.001-05:00

The winner is Nurse Mommy! I will email you for your address! Thanks to everyone who played in my contest!

Bloggy Giveaway time!

2008-10-28T08:06:00.003-05:00

The Bloggy Giveaway Carnival is back, so I'm offering up the chance to win this hand-crocheted strawberry hat for the baby girl in your life . . . or soon to be! It is made with washable/dryable acrylic yarn, and should fit 6-9 months size.

To enter in my random drawing, please leave a comment here, and be sure to include a valid email address! Entries will be closed on Oct 31st at midnite.

Be sure to check out all the other blogs offering giveaways at The Bloggy Carnival main site!

I have learned my lesson!

2008-10-20T10:09:00.001-05:00

I was changing the Coop's diaper and J* starts dancing around saying he needs to pee. I told him to go (he potties by himself ALL the time), but he wouldn't go without me. He continues to whine when I am elbow deep in baby poop, so I say in my usual snippy, smart-ass response I usually reserve for my husband, "well, just pee in your pants then, if you won't go by yourself". He went back to watching TV, standing by the couch. I thought I bought myself 2 extra minutes.

Boy was I wrong! Yes, he did. He peed himself. And what did I get? "but Mom, you told me too!".

I have learned my lesson. The Hard Way.

Tympanostomy Tube Surgery

2008-10-15T10:10:00.002-05:00

Yep, Coop has ear infection #7, poor little guy. So we saw the ENT yesterday, and he will be scheduled for ear tube insertion (bilateral myringotomy) in about two weeks. Yes, I know its quick,easy and the best thing for him . . . but I'm not worried about him. I'll be a mess, holding my baby as he is put under anesthesia. UGH! Please send all valium this way!

The next Jonas Brothers . . .

2008-10-03T13:32:00.001-05:00

Birthdays, Weddings and Teeth . . . Oh My!

2008-09-17T08:41:00.005-05:00

What a busy month already, and it ain't over!

Cooper only turned one, and he's already celebrating on the Birthday Bell Curve schedule. This is something we came up with in college if your bday fell in the middle of the week. Your Birthday Bell Curve celebration started the weekend before and lasted until the weekend after. Of course, it expanded to a month-long party by the time we were seniors . . . .

Anyway, 3 cakes later, Cooper was officially one-year old. Formula gone. Crawling over. Toddler time has arrived! Unfortunately, so has his 5th ear infection, so he is on close watch. Since he had one a month from June - Sept during NOT primetime sick weather, if he gets one more, he may need tubes. As of yesterday, he had 4 teeth coming in on top - all at the same time. He is still a sweet little guy, despite the pain he must be in! And in grand Coop style, he had an allergic reaction to another antibiotic, this time Cefdinir. It was only a "little rash" this time.

He has a few words/phrases now too . . . Dada, Mama, wha dat?, and Tiger (FIL's cat). He does a mean head shake for a NO! too, LOL!

First cake:

Hubby's sis got married over the weekend, and J* was a ring-bearer . . . in name only. He donned the tux, looked sweet as ever, but wouldn't walk down the aisle. Well, at least we have good pictures.

Happy 1st Birthday!

2008-09-03T07:13:00.001-05:00

Happy, happy birthday to my sweet miracle boy. Cooper, me dear baby, you are growing up too fast! Mama loves you!

mended

2008-09-02T13:18:00.002-05:00

Geez! That Coxsackie virus threw us all for a loop! I finallystarted feeling better on Sunday, 8/31. That's nine days of fever, aches, fatigue and double pink-eye. Hubby and my mom had it too (my mom watched the Coopster on the day his fever was 104.9F, so she got cooties too).

Anyway, we're all better and back to work/school. Just in time for a big birthday celebration around here tomorrow! I can't believe its been about a year to the minute I *finally* went into labor!

It be my birthday, and I'ze be sick

2008-08-25T12:47:00.001-05:00

UGH! Caught the cooties from the kiddos! Happy Birthday to me . . . .

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times

2008-08-21T10:40:00.001-05:00

We've had quite a month. We ended July with a week-long stomach bug for both kids. Luckily they resolved just in time for our week long trip to Aruba with my parents, brother, SIL and kids. We had a GREAT time! Jackson learned to doggy paddle without his life vest AND to hold his breath and go underwater! This is a big step for us! Coop loves the water too of course. And we met a baby named Miles that was his twin! My nephew actually went over to Miles when he was crying and said "don't cry Cooper!". It was funny!

Cooper was walking all over the hotel room, and now he is just toddling all over. Its sad to see his babyness slowly going away, but he gets to walk down the aisle at my SIL's wedding in Sept, so that's great! I really wanted him to do that with Jackson, who is the official ring bearer.

On the flight home from Aruba, Jax spiked a high temperature and was screaming that his eyeballs hurt. We got home and he was 104 degrees. Turns out he had Coxsackie virus, with the blisters in his throat and everything. He missed 4 days of school last week. Of course, lo and behold, Cooper got it last Friday afternoon, and has been sick ever since. He went as high as 104.9 degrees. I have NEVER seen that high a temp before! Its so scary! But he's on the mend . . . no fever today, just quarts of snot. Lovely!

Long Overdue Update

2008-07-30T08:22:00.003-05:00

Sorry for the lack of posting . . . I just can't seem to get my act together these days. We've been busy, and now the kids have another stomach bug. I am DONE with puke. NO MORE I say!

Jackson had a great birthday. We had the fourth annual pool party with fabulous weather. This kid is good luck, we think. Either that, or no one dare rain on his parade, LOL!

Cooper is ready for his birthday rapidly approaching . . . he even knows how old he'll be!

Scarier yet . . . he'll be walking to his own party.

All better, and with teeth too!

2008-07-09T09:11:00.003-05:00

thanks for the well wishes . . . Coop's rash resolved quickly and he was just fine! Then, on June 29th, he finally sprouted a tooth! Not to be outdone, tooth #2 was just behind it on July 5th! He turned 10 months on the 3rd, and celebrated by climbing up one step on the stairs. Here comes trouble. Oy!

J's b-day is tomorrow, but his party is on Sunday. I'll leave you with a few pics until I recap the party.

J's first fish!

Coop's first trip to the beach:

Poor baby

2008-06-23T08:06:00.002-05:00

Not chicken pox, but amoxycillin allergy. Enough to scare the shit out of me.

Too cute

2008-06-16T07:38:00.003-05:00

Can my kids be any cuter? And I can say that, because I have no biological input to either of them . . . so I am impartial (yeah, right)!

A few pictures from the weekend

2008-06-04T08:48:00.002-05:00

In order, Coop and maternal Grammy, Coop, Cooper and bio-dad, Coop and bio-sister

The miracle continues . . . .

2008-06-02T07:48:00.004-05:00

Our journey with embryo adoption continues . . . we spent this weekend in NH visiting with Cooper's biological family, and had an unbelievably wonderful time. Like, warm and fuzzy feelings for everyone. We met his bio grandfather on the maternal side, and his paternal grandparents who let us stay in their house while they were away for a wedding that night! Can they be any nicer?? Cooper also met an aunt, an uncle, and 4 cousins.I always seemed to have my camera in the car, but I will post some pics when Sue, Coop's donor mom, sends them to me.

We spent Saturday BBQing and meeting everyone. Then J* spent the night with Coop's bio-siblings . . . his first successful sleepover ever! Major milestone here . . . he usually starts off with good intentions at my in-laws, but ends up crying and coming home, so this was a BIG deal for us!

Sunday morning, we had breakfast together, then went "fishing" at the pond (really just catching frogs and crayfish with nets, and throwing them back). After that, we all went out to lunch, had local-made ice cream (yum!) and went to play in the park until the grandparents returned from the wedding to spend a bit more time with them before we traveled home. It was just too wonderful for words.

Now, road-tripping 4 hours each way with two kids was NOT fun, but well-worth the effort. Once we recuperate from that, hopefully we'll plan on more fun stuff for the summer.

3 milestones in 3 days

2008-05-30T09:08:00.002-05:00

OK, someone stop this kid from growing up! Cooper learned to push himself to sitting from laying down on Tuesday. Wednesday morning I watched him pull to stand in his crib, and last night he decided it was time to crawl. No more log-rolling or commando crawling for him. Now I am in real trouble! If he would only start to say mama . . . .

Rapidly approaching adulthood

2008-05-23T07:56:00.005-05:00

OK, maybe it should say rapidly approaching 4 years old and nine months old, but I feel they are growing up so fast!

Last night as J* was going to bed, he asked, "Mommy, where did you get married?"
I replied, "on a pretty island called Jamiaca. Where did you get married?"
He said, "I didn't get married MOMMY!"
So I replied, "oh, well, who are you going to marry?"
His exclamation, "JULIA"!
Now to break that to Julia's mom, my friend Erica.

Cooper still has no teeth. But he is certainly not letting that stop him. Check out those legs! Michelin Baby! And he is still the sweetest baby on earth. Just edible.

Happy Mother's Day to all in blogland!

2008-05-11T19:39:00.003-05:00

I hope everyone has a very special mother's day, whether you are a mother or not. I dreaded this day for too many years, so I know how it feels to be a "mother in waiting". But it will happen for all those that want it.

I just wrote this as an entry to a mother's day contest, and I thought I'd share it here:

I feel so blessed to be a mom, for several reasons. We tried for many years to get pregnant, and did many IVF cycles, and spent way too much money. Nothing ever worked. I dreaded every mothers day and baby shower during that time.

I am a mom now. But only through the sacrifice of two other mothers. I am blessed in every way, by the grace of two other women.

One young girl picked us to be parents to her baby boy a few months before he was born, and we adopted him when he was 11 hours old. He is now almost 4. I think of her everyday, and pray that she is at peace with her decision to place her child in our family. She made me a mother, and I thank my lucky stars for that.

Another wonderful woman and her husband made me a mother for the second time, but pregnant for the very first (and only) time. They gave us their frozen embryos that were left over from their IVF cycles, once they were done building their own family through modern medical science. We transferred her embryos into my uterus and I gave birth to a miracle baby boy 8 months ago. He had been frozen for 9 years! He has met his biological parents and siblings, and we have a wonderful relationship with this "extended family".

My heart skips a beat every single time I lay eyes on my boys. They were always meant to be ours.

Sorry for the silence

2008-05-08T13:56:00.002-05:00

I've been so busy! I've sold 6 Swarovski hearts this week! Hurray! It gives me a lot of satisfaction that people like my work.

In the middle of it all, Cooper turned 8 months and I didn't blog about it. Bad Mommy! as J* would say when he was younger (when I'd tell him no to something). Now J* really is a big boy, helping Daddy in the yard collecting weeds or twigs, riding his Spiderman bike, or watering my plants.

The Coop is clapping hands, saying Da Da, commando crawling all over the house, and just being so damn cute. He LOVES his big brother, and when J* is in the room, Cooper doesn't take his eyes off him. Only J* can make him laugh that deep belly laugh of his:

Coop laughing

My new hobby

2008-05-02T07:23:00.001-05:00

Etsy Shop

Recap

2008-04-25T10:19:00.003-05:00

See, not a thing accomplished this week, b/c of that darn Bloggy Giveaway Carnival! Well, I did manage to cast-on to make a froggy hat for Coop's BFF who was born on Leap-year Day. This is what it will look like eventually:

Cooper is sleeping pretty well - from 7pm to 5am on most nights. He's eating solids like a little piggy, just as his big brother used to. We have been enjoying the weather, spending most evenings outside playing baseball in the yard or eating on the deck. What a difference the sun makes!

Limited productivity expected next week

2008-04-18T06:32:00.001-05:00

Bloggy Giveaways Carnival again!

We may all lose our jobs, but at least we'll have fun!

MORE Giveaways!

2008-04-10T08:45:00.001-05:00

The twins are at it again! 5 Minutes for Mom is hosting a two week giveaway for toys for kids of all ages! Go over and enter to win some great stuff. I'd wish you luck, but I wanna win too!

Surprise, surprise

2008-04-08T04:33:00.003-05:00

For some reason, I got a bug up my ass about Cooper not sleeping, so the night he turned 7 months, we took away his binky and started some serious sleep training with hand-held coaching from AZJenn. He did GREAT and it didn't take more than a few nights, which weren't so bad either! Now he's pretty much sleeping through from 7pm to 6am . . .

I feel like a NEW WOMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In seven months . . .

2008-04-03T11:57:00.003-05:00

He's won our hearts (that took seven seconds),
he's learned to sit up
he's gotten no teeth
he's begun babbling da-da and ba-ba
he's had all his first holidays
he's grown up too fast
he's never slept a full night through.

I guess 6 out of 7 ain't so bad. Happy 7 months COOP!

Sorry for the "off-color" joke

2008-04-02T07:22:00.002-05:00

You are all probably wondering why an infertile would play such an April Fool's joke as that. But, let us all remember . . . I am a rude New Yorker first and foremost!

AZJenn had it right . . . that was the +hpt from Cooper's donor embryo cycle. It was such a great day and my first +hpt ever, so why not recycle the picture. Hell, I should frame it!

I do apologize if I hurt anyone's feelings. The joke was really for hubby. He didn't believe it for a second, probably because he knows he hasn't "gotten any" in quite awhile, and I'm not the type that God would choose to create the 2nd immaculate conception!

The "oops" I finally wasn't hoping for . . .

2008-04-01T11:29:00.004-05:00

Um, HELP!

Easter

2008-03-25T07:35:00.004-05:00

We had a blessed Easter, despite Cooper having 103 fever and possible roseola, with an ear infection along for the ride. Poor thing. He was sent home from daycare on Thursday, and since they were closed on Good Friday, by Saturday I was stir crazy with the kids. We headed to the mall to work off some steam, and I got roped into the above picture, which turned out the be the perfect Easter card for the grandparents.

On Easter sunday, we went to mass with Nonno and Nonna, and Cooper slept through the entire thing (1 1/2 hours). J* fell asleep on me just before communion, so I carried him on my shoulder to receive the eucharist. Saw some wonderful friends at mass and chatted a bit.

Then we headed home for an Easter egg hunt. This is J*'s last year where all the eggs are his, b/c watch out for Cooper next Easter!

We tried to take some family pictures, but mommy looks so tired in all of them (I even deleted the one of mommy in the post below, b/c boy did I look zombie-ish!).

After that, we went to Grandma and Grampy's for Easter dinner. My parents outdid themselves with this meal! We had a crown roast of lamb with sausage stuffing, hand made pasta with sauce, asparagus, sugar snap pea and feta salad, and a chocolate chocolate chip cake for dessert. We lazied around for most of the afternoon, and headed back home about 8pm. Both kids fell asleep on the ride home, and didn't wake up when we moved them from the car to their beds. Gotta love that!

First-time Irish!

2008-03-18T13:51:00.005-05:00

Not only did we celebrate our Match Day as a family, but we also got to celebrate Coop's first St. Patrick's Day! He is the only true Irish in the family, but we all pretended anyway, to make sure he had a great first holiday! We headed to Daddy's restaurant where it was a busy night, with party favors, corned beef and cabbage, Irish soda bread, and local bagpipers. Here are some pictures . . .

Four short years ago

2008-03-17T07:42:00.003-05:00

I was at work, trying not to think about the profile that we finally submitted to our adoption agency 5 days before. I had stalled and stalled sending it, b/c I just didn;t want to be in that limbo "waiting" period of unknown length.

My cell phone rang. It was the agency but I missed the call, and there was no message. I checked the voicemail at home, and the agency said they needed me to call ASAP. I just knew this was it.

I called the agency from the staff lounge at work. There were a few other co-workers there, but only one knew what was happening. I spoke to the agency, and after peeling myself off the floor after hearing we were tentatively matched, I was on the phone with the birthmother in less than 10 minutes in my boss' office. After 15 minutes, the birthmother said she liked me, but the agency wanted her to speak to my hubby too.

Well, it was about 11am on St. Patrick's Day . . . and the manager of an Irish pub on that day is not only crazy busy, but sometimes drinking alcohol somewhat early in the day! I was going to just drive to his restaurant and surprise him with the news, but I knew I had to stop him from imbibing before the phone call to the birthmother later that afternoon. I scrambled to call hubby, and make sure he hadn't had a sip yet (he didn't), and after he peeled himself up off the floor, we made sure he could get coverage for the time of the call. Luckily his aunt lived a mile away, so we went to her house to make the call. By 4pm that day, we were matched with our son, and had corned beef and cabbage to celebrate!

We'll be back there tonight to celebrate again as we do every year. Happy Match Day my son!

March is National Crochet Month!

2008-03-10T11:57:00.003-05:00

Who knew?? I better get moving on some projects. Boy, between this and it being National Nutrition Month too, I'm on absolute overload!

I gotta finish this sweater that's been a WIP for 3 years!
Cabled Sweater

Also, I have 3 other things on the hook, too: A teddy bear, another cable sweater, and a cute patchwork cardigan for a girl. Someone help me get motivated!

BTW, I'm now on Ravelry too. Come see me, I'm suzzcq7o there too!

Ultimate Blog Party

2008-03-10T07:05:00.005-05:00

Join in the fun!

5 minutes for Mom is hosting the annual blog party that gets everyone buzzing!! Over 1000 blogs and 100 prizes! And look, I am #1001 . . . love that!

I am Suzzcq70, mom to two wonderfully special boys who made us a family by joining us in two very special ways. I also work full-time, while working on a PhD part-time, while crocheting and crafting in 5 minutes bursts between all the other stuff I just mentioned! My husband runs a restaurant, so at least I don't need to cook. Who has time for that! But it does mean I am home alone with the kids most nights. That's why I blog . . . to keep my sanity!

Thanks for coming by and meeting us! I'll be back to post some party pictures and get our own party started over here . . . so come back a bit later!!

Oooh, I am oogling over the prizes at the Party! My top three favorites are these beauties:

#7 Bead Dangle Photo Tile Necklace
#136 Crafty Mom's Knitting Goody Bag/Joann's Gift Card
#78 50 photo cards from PolkadotBumblebee

Also would love #9, 14, 37, 39, 55, 59 as well. Check them out here:Prizes

Party on!

A wonderful poem

2008-03-05T10:04:00.002-05:00

Just when you least ecpect it, you come across something to help you heal a little. For me it is this poem I found on a new blog I am reading. It has touched me for some reason.

What Makes a Mother
Written by Jennifer Wasik
In Memory of Zachery Wasik

I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today
I asked "What makes a Mother?"
And I know I heard Him say.

"A Mother has a baby"
This we know is true
"But God can you be a Mother,
When your baby's not with you?"

"You, you can," He replied
With Confidence in His voice
"I give many women babies,
When they leave is not their choice.

Some I send for a lifetime,
And others for the day.
And some I send to feel your womb,
But there's no need to stay."

"I just don't understand this God
I want my baby to be here."
He took a deep breath and cleared His throat,
And then I saw the tear.

"I wish I could show you,
What your child is doing today.
If you could see your child's smile,
With all the other children and say...

'We go to Earth to learn our lessons,
Of love and life and fear.
My Mommy loved me oh so much,
I got to come straight here.

I feel so lucky to have a Mom,
Who had so much love for me.
I learned my lessons very quickly,
My Mommy set me free.

I miss my Mommy oh so much,
But I visit her every day.
When she goes to sleep,
On her pillow's where I lay

I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek,
And whisper in her ear.
Mommy don't be sad today,
I'm your baby and I'm here.'

"So you see my dear sweet ones,
your children are okay.
Your babies are born here in My home,
And this is where they'll stay.

They'll wait for you with Me,
Until your lesson's through.
And on the day that you come home
they'll be at the gates for you.

So now you see what makes a Mother,
It's the feeling in your heart
it's the love you had so much of
Right from the very start.

Though some on earth may not realize, you are a Mother.
Until their time is done.
They'll be up here with Me one day
and know that you are the best one!"

Babies abound!

2008-03-03T08:31:00.003-05:00

Our closest friends gave birth to a leap-day son on 2/29/08! She was exactly 36 weeks, but needed to be induced b/c of pre-eclampsia. The little Kermit is 4lbs 14oz and 18 tiny inches, but he will forever be known as Cooper's best friend. You see, Cooper's daddy and Kermit's daddy were best friends at birth too, b/c their parents were friends, and so on, and so on. Their daddies' closeness is still tight . . . so much so that after getting over her surprise that Kermit wasn't a GIRL, his mom exclaimed (literally minutes after birth), "OMG, the trouble that Cooper and Kermit will get in to, just like you guys did!" Romantic, huh?

BTW, he's not really named Kermit. That's my Leap(frog)year nickname for him. I will forever be buying him frog stuff. His real name is Asher, and I can't wait to meet him today!

Honor your grief - 2/29/08

2008-02-29T20:17:00.002-05:00

Calliope of Creating Motherhood has asked for the infertile blogging community to post about grief, loss and remembrance on this Leap Day. I don't come near having the grief and loss of many recently that I follow in blogland. Perinatal and neonatal loss are ones I will never experience, and I cannot imagine their hurt. But I grieve too, for a few things:

1) I grieve the loss of the biological child never born to us. I was going to say never conceived, but we did create 10 rotten embryos form the two IVF's combined, but they never made it back into me, and died in the lab. I lost hope after that second IVF. There was to be no baby that I could give my husband with our DNA. I have recently observed the clear resemblances of my friend's kids to their parents. We went to a birthday party last weekend, and I could pick out of the crowd the parents of kids I ha never even met. So I grieve that too . . . the loss of never seeing what our biological child would look like.

2) I grieve for my son, J*'s birthmother. She has had the loss of not one, but two biological children to adoption. Yes, it was her choice, but (I hope) she grieved her loss. I also grieve for J*, and the grief he will inevitably feel one day when he comprehends adoption.

3) Cooper may grieve in a similar way too one day. He is not our biological child, but I gestated him. How will he feel when he learns the truth of his origins? He may be fine with it, but I will worry until the day I know.

4) I grieve for my grandmother, that she didn't live to see me graduate high school, college, grad school, get married, know my children, and share the joy in all those events. I miss her, even though its been almost 23 years. She was my first best friend.

I wish peace to everyone else who is recognizing and honoring their grief today.

I'm fine, really!

2008-02-28T08:30:00.003-05:00

Sorry to worry everyone . . . I was just really tired when I wrote the last post, and it came out a bit pathetic. I'm fine! The PPD is not back . . . meds are working perfectly.Sorry to scare some of you, but thanks for caring!

So Cooper is just the perfect 6 month old! He's 16lbs, 10ozs and 26 1/4 inches . . . all 50% percentile for every measure! You'd never know he was frozen for 9 years! He got three shots and the Rotavirus oral vaccine, and maybe cried out with two whimpers. He's so good . . . he never cries unless he's hungry. He's still the fave at daycare, since he's so low maintenance.

He's rolling all over, and hitting all milestones . . . yes, except for eating solids. He's just not interested. The pedi helped me identify that Coop's not eating enough at daycare . . . he never finishes his 7 oz bottles, sometimes only taking 3 oz! So yes, he's hungry at night. I wrote out specific instrux for the daycare girls to feed only every 4 hours and stick with him until he finishes the whole thing. I hope this gets his sleeping/eating worked out.

Of course he STTN last night (9p-5a), but it was probably the effect of the shots. I'll take it!

J* is doing great BTW, he is loving his brother and is much improved with the jealousy. I just make sure he has "mommytime" as often as I can, and it really helps.

Funny J* story . . . we were in the car driving on Sunday, and I had the news radio on. The broadcaster was discussing the Democratic primaries, and named Obama and Clinton at that moment. J* says to me, "Mommy, Obama is running for president". I almost crashed the car. There are adults in this country that may not know that, and my 3 1/2 year old does! But then he said his Nonno is running too, and he is going to win. OK, he really still is 3 1/2!

Hanging by a thread

2008-02-26T14:27:00.002-05:00

I'm tired. Just really tired right now. Cooper is back to eating 1-2 times a night! He will not eat solids at all, so he's probably a bit hungry. CIO didn't work, as we need to sleep, and he'll cry for 2-3 hours! after 2 weeks, we realized it wasn't the solution for us. And its been waking up J* too, which where I drew the line. Coop has his 6-month check-up tomorrow, so hopefully the pedi can give us more guidance.

I'm over extended in every other area of my life too. The doctoral class I'm taking is a lot of time/work this semester, but at least it will be over 4/14. Work is busy. Commuting has been hell . . . no matter the weather, it has been taking me 2 hours to go 30 miles!

Hubby fired his assistant manager last week, so he has been working even more than usual! We barely see each other, and when we do, we are cranky and snippy to each other. We need a vacation. I'm going to talk to my parents and see if they'll stay with the kids at our house for 5 days or so. I need a beach and cool cocktail.

Sigh. I just like I am barely getting through the days. Where is the joy? Who's hiding it, you?

20 years ago

2008-02-19T09:06:00.002-05:00

. . . I graduated high school. Holy. Effing. Crap. Reunion is in 3 weeks. Why does the post-partum hair loss have to hit now? Unfair. Really unfair.

to bring you back up to speed with us . . .

2008-02-13T12:12:00.004-05:00

I've been having way too much fun with all these blogging giveways, tags, and funny quizzes, and in doing so, I have neglected reporting on us! So here's the quick and dirty:

- after 9 days of CIO, J* went to sleep by himself without crying for three days straight. He got a Star Wars action figure for each time. Since then, he has cried every single night for the last 16 nights. It is getting shorter and shorter, but slowly. I am sticking to my guns. At least he sleeps through the night once asleep, except for the occasional night waking.

- We started Cooper on CIO last night. He slept through the night 10 hours a week or so ago, and 8 straight hours another few nights. He has been waking for a few ounces at night, so its time to stop that. Thanks to AZJenn for the hand-holding during all this! Cooper woke twice last night, the first time he cried for 35 minutes, the second time for about 25 minutes. It was really hard, especially with DH asking me if he should go in, why don't I go in, can't we at least give him the binky, yada, yada. See, I told you he was a wuss!

- Cooper was eating cereal a couple weeks back, but now refuses it and if I try to get it in his mouth, he sort of gags. I never had a tough time feeding J*, so this is strange. Will let him lead on this.

- Coop is now rolling over well, and starting to form sounds. He does a litte "brrr" and a "vuv". Its so darn cute!

-J* is smart as a whip, its almost scary. One night he was running around like crazy, and I said I didn't like him to do that. His response? "Well, mommy, that's not my understanding." WHAAAAAATT!!!! This kid is hysterical!

-My spring semester has started, so I will be busy with a class until April. Bear with me until then . . . I will be "off" of school through the summer, yeah!

If I think of anything else, I'll come back to edit. Time for lunch!

Seven Random Facts Meme

2008-02-12T08:02:00.000-05:00

Tagged by my buddy Jen at Cead Mile Failte!

~Link to the person that tagged you and leave a comment on their blog, so that their readers can visit yours.
~Post the rules on your blog.
~Share 7 random facts about yourself on your blog.
~Tag 7 random people at the bottom of your post, linking to their blog.
~Let each person know by leaving a comment on their blog.

OK, here goes . . .
1. I don't like pasta with fish (think clam sauce, shrimp scampi, etc). I can eat pasta with marinara and separate fish in the same meal, just not when the flavors meld. Yuck.
2. I combine plain yogurt with flavored yogurt to make it 1/2 more healthy. I also combine decaf with regular coffee, so I can have double the cups with less caffeine.
3. I don't get manicures . . .I can't stand when other people do my nails.
4. I have straight A's in my doctoral program so far (just jinxed myself).
5. It takes me 40 minutes to drive to work, but about 1 1/2 hours to get home b/c of traffic.
6. I've been to over 30 Grateful Dead concerts when Jerry was alive. I don't follow the new band.
7. I have a tattoo of a Grateful Dead dancing bare on my right ankle, and my belly button is pierced.

I tag anyone who wants to play!

One world, one heart giveaway

2008-02-08T11:29:00.003-05:00

HEY NOW! We have a WINNER! Random.org picked number 22, who is beachgrl! She commented "I love crystals and the heart is so pretty and sparkly! My favorite heart is an antique heart locket I bought years ago. I have my two children when they were young inside the locket." Thanks to everyone for playing!

If anyone is interested in purchasing a heart for the cost of materials and shipping, just contact me!

How cool is this? I love these giveaway carnivals, so I just have to join in the fun! And considering I collect hearts, this is perfect for me.

ANYONE can Play! EVEN IF you are not participating with a giveaway you can still ENTER to win on the various blogs. The point is to find new blogs, meet new people. Just Click on the comment tab below, leave link to your blog if you have one and tell me what is your favorite heart item you currently own! Comments will close at 11:59pm on Feb 13th, and the winner will be announced Feb 14th! You must have a blog to enter.

What am I giving away?

I just started beading - literally two days ago . . . because I saw these hearts for sale, and refused to pay for something I could make myself. And I did! I am giving away my very first beaded project . . . a puffy heart made from Swarovski crystals!

Please surf over to the main giveaway page here to see all the other giveaways, and make some new blogging friends!

Is this stating the obvious?

2008-02-08T08:07:00.001-05:00

You Are Fairly Normal

You scored 55% normal on this quiz

Like most people you are normal in some ways...
But you aren't a completely normal person. You're a little weird too!

Why You Are Normal:

You think fishnet stockings are trashy

You find the Macarena to be the more embarrassing dance

You think glasses can make someone more attractive

You prefer fiction to non fiction

If you had to, you rather live without music and still have laughter

Why You Aren't Normal:

You'd rather have cockroaches than rats in your home

You would rather be tan than pale

You would not eat meat from a cloned animal

When you're in a car, you prefer to be the passenger

You know a little about many subjects

What's Normal About You... And What's Not?

Tuesday Toot!

2008-02-05T09:45:00.001-05:00

As I lay trying to fall asleep last night, how much I accomplished by myself during the evening. I got both kids to bed by 8:15pm, and was able to prepare Cooper's bottles for today's daycare, unpack yesterday's daycare clothes and bottles, put away recently unused toys in the cabinet where J* can't get them without help, clean up toy cars strewn across the playroom, pick out my work clothes for the next day, and set up the coffee maker for this morning.

Considering we got home at 7:30pm and I went to sleep at 9:30, I think it was a lot accomplished. TOOT TOOT!

**Anyone new to this blog needs to know that just getting my toddler to sleep would take at least 1 1/2 hours before our recent sleep training, so that alone is a big accomplishment. Tooting again!

The Generosity Never Stops

2008-02-05T07:34:00.000-05:00

I am so impressed by all these bloggers and internet boutique stores that give away adorable things to other bloggers. I know its great advertising for them, but its still so NICE, don't you think?

Living a Mom's Life is giving away a monogrammed sweater here:

Go check it out!

I've been tagged by Ali!

2008-02-04T15:43:00.000-05:00

My first Blog-tag. Yeah!

Here are the rules:
1. You have to post the rules before you give your answers.

2. You must list one fact about yourself beginning with each letter of your middle name. (If you don't have a middle name, use your maiden name).

3. After you are tagged, you need to update your blog with your middle name and your answers.

4. At the end of your blog post, you need to tag one person for each letter of your middle name.
(Be sure to leave them a comment telling them they've been tagged and that they need to read your blog for details.)

Oh, the agony of a long middle name! ELIZABETH . . .

E: energetic in personality, not physically these days unfortunately!
L: LOUD! Just ask any fellow patron in a restaurant.
I: interesting, I hope. If not, then screw you.
Z: Zealot about nutrition, a good night's sleep, exercise, etc (defined at Dictionary.com as: n. Enthusiastic devotion to a cause, ideal, or goal and tireless diligence in its furtherance. See Synonyms at passion).
A: alcholic, well almost these days
B: Blogger!
E: easy-going. No, I didn't say EASY (that was in the good 'ol days)
T: timely . . . I hate being late and I hate waiting for late people!
H: happy, yes really!

Well, it says I have to tag 9 people, but I don;t think I even know 9 people who blog. So I tag AZJenn, Jen (Mad's Mommy), CariP, Holly (either on your blog or in a comment here), DivaMomVicki, Jen (meddlingkidd), and Katie, Wanda, all other cycle buddies . . . I will post on our board.

Another winner!

2008-02-03T09:32:00.000-05:00

Thank you to all my contestants! We had 93 entries, but only 65 of you answered my question about adoption, so I chose a winner from among those comments. I truly enjoyed reading each and every one of your responses, and seeing that adoption is so widespread! But only one person mentioned they knew of embryo adoption, which I hope now you all know something about!

I love to crochet and do other crafts like needlepoint and such, and it was wonderful to be able to show my work and get such positive feedback. This was sooooo much fun . . . I have decided to giveway handmade things every month! So everyone please stop by my blog the last week of each month to enter to win something handmade by me!

Drumroll please . . . . Mommyofmany at http://theferrillclan.blogspot.com/ is my second winner! She wins the handmade crochet baby sweater.

She wrote: "My hubby's brother & his wife recently adopted two special needs children from China. They've been so good to allow us to live the process with them through their blog! Thanks for the beautiful giveaway!"

Winner #1!

2008-02-01T11:55:00.000-05:00

The winner of the Keepsake Baby Boy set is nor_lou at Silly Mom to 2 Silly Girls!. I have emailed the winner, so please reply within 48 hours, or I will choose another winner!

Congratulations to the winner! Thanks for playing everyone!

Silly pictures . . .

2008-01-31T08:39:00.000-05:00

. . . for the giveaway on And the Rest is History's blog!

Works for Me Wednesday

2008-01-30T11:37:00.000-05:00

What to do with all that extra bread leftover when you buy fresh crusty bread loaves for dinner or company? Well, in my house its mostly eaten, but if its not, and I like it, I cut it into big enough pieces for sandwiches or pizza (french-bread style) and freeze it in ziplock bags.

If its not a bread I care for (I prefer whole grains, but you knew that already), we store it in a brown bag until it gets hard, and make bread crumbs with it. Well, actually we give it to my aunt who takes everyone's bread, makes the crumbs, and gives some back. Who has time to grate bread?? WORKS FOR ME!

Head over to Rocks in My Dryer to learn some other useful tips!

Who do you look like?

2008-01-29T13:55:00.001-05:00

One of the bloggers involved in the Bloggy Giveaway Carnival is asking who have you been told you look like?

I hear it all the time . . . I'm Sandra Bullock. I just don't see it, but you can be the judge.

Tell me, who do you look like?

Giveaway #2!!!!

2008-01-29T09:24:00.000-05:00

Since many posters on my other giveaway below mentioned they would like one for girls, I am offering up a handmade crochet baby sweater made by l'il old me! I sold a few of these at our local Women's Exchange a few years back for $35 each. I never got this one over to them, so I am offering it to one lucky blog reader! That's why it still has the tag on it.

It's baby green, so it could be gender neutral, but I think the style is a bit more feminine. In order to win, check around my blog and then come back and share how you have personally been touched by adoption (do you know someone who has adopted, was adopted, is thinking about adoption, etc). If you have never been touched by adoption, tell me that reading my blog has now made you "touched by adoption"!

Comments will be open until Sat Feb 2nd at 11:59pm, and I will randomly draw a winner Sunday morning. Good luck! And please, no double comments.

And be sure to check out all the other wonderful giveaways at the Bloggy Giveaway Carnival's main site! Just click on the pink button below . . .

GIVEAWAY Time!

2008-01-28T12:14:00.001-05:00

Yahoo . . . its the Bloggy GiveAways Carnival!

I'll be giving away this adorable Baby Boy Keepsake Gift Set. It has a ceramic My First Piggybank, My First Tooth ceramic box, and a My First Curl ceramic box. We have one for each of the boys, and we love it! If you're a sentimental mommy like me, enter by posting a comment to this blog, and you'll be in the drawing. Entries must be submitted by Friday (Feb 1st) at midnight, and a winner will be randomly selected!

And please click the pink button at the top of this post to check out all the other giveaways going on this week.

THIS GIVEAWAY IS NOW CLOSED. THANKS!

One step forward, two steps back . . .

2008-01-28T08:56:00.000-05:00

. . . gets us nowhere, right?

Saturday night was a dream come true. J* did not cry when I left his room after say8ing goodnight, and he fell asleep on his own. He even slept all night. Overjoyed, we kept telling him all day Sunday what a great job he did, blah, blah. Hubby went out and got him another Star Wars action figure we'd been promising. J* mentioned several times yesterday that "when I sleep by myself again, I want Yoda". I thought he was finally getting it.

So, you are probably surmising that last night was not bliss. He cried when I left him, and went on like that for 20 minutes. I came back, settled him down, and left again. This time, HE DIDN'T cry, and fell asleep on his own!

But . . . he woke in the night. So progress in one area and regression in another. Feels like we're standing still. But I will say, at least getting a few moments alone to myself in the evening is well worth it.

On to the baby brother . . . I spoke with AZJenn at length about sleep-training the baby. All of a sudden, we've realized he's developed a pattern over the past several weeks. He's tired in the evening, so I put him down around 7pm give or take, but he'll wake at 9pm for a feeding. Goes right back to sleep, then wakes at 2am to eat, and again at 5 or 5:30am. He'll be five months on Sunday. Time to sleep train. We're planning our strategy now, and hopefully start soon. I tried to let him CIO during the middle of the night feeding on Saturday (woke at 1am for some reason), but when he woke again at 3am, I was too tired to keep it up.

Any suggestions are welcome!

Finally Friday

2008-01-25T08:17:00.000-05:00

Wow, its only been a 4-day workweek with the MLK holiday this past Monday, but I am just so exhausted. Thankfully, Friday is here!

Update on the sleep training . . . J* does well some nights with sleeping all night. Last night and the night before he has called for me, and like the sucker I am, I go and lay with him for a bit. As for the "going-to-sleep-by-himself" effort, he will still cry until I go back in, but it was down to twice last night that I had to go in, and he fell asleep after that. I don't love this method, but I'll give it another week. It just seems that he screams/cries for awhile, which tires him out, and that is why he falls asleep . . . not b/c he's learning anything, KWIM? What do you guys think?

Cooper has his first sickies . . . he has a cough and a bit of a fever this week. Croup was going around daycare, so hopefully it will not turn into that. He has such a sad little cough, and the sneezes! Oh, poor thing. But when he's awake, he's pretty happy, so it looks like it doesn't bother him.

I have given Coop oatmeal and applesauce a few times each. I just bought green beans and carrots, but more just to have them for when we're ready. He doesn't eat much of either the cereal or the apples, so I'll stick to that for awhile.

He goes down about 7-7:30pm, but wakes to eat about 2am, then again at 5:30am. Please send STTN thoughts, please! Mommy and Daddy need real sleep!

As for me, my next doctoral class starts 2/5, so I am enjoying the "time off" by doing a little crocheting, joining Facebook (cool!), and doing a little consultant work for extra cash. $2400 a month in daycare costs are really putting us in the hole!

Well, here's a pic for Foto Friday! Cooper at 20 weeks this past Monday, giving his "tough-guy" look:

I almost gave up.

2008-01-22T19:00:00.000-05:00

Really. I almost did. Saturday night was lousy. J* had the fever and I just couldn't let him scream, so I laid down with him. He fell asleep OK with me there, but woke several times during the night. Yes, I stayed with him, um, you know, b/c of the fever.

Sunday night, we were at the inlaws late watching the Giants game, and he fell asleep in the car on the way home, and stayed asleep when I carried him in, so that night doesn't count.

Last night, I almost bagged it b/c I was alone again, and Cooper was cranky and had a cough. I thought Cooper was asleep at 8pm and went to read J* his night time stories, but Coop kept waking. I kept leaving J* in his bed to tend to Cooper, and J* did the standard crying he did when I started this whole CIO thing. I unintentionally let him cry for 30 while feeding Cooper, so when I went back up to check on him, he was ready to sleep. I sat for a minute while he stopped crying, and I said I'd be back when Cooper was done, but . . . he fell asleep!

I was in Cooper's room holding him and rocking in the glider as he fell asleep in my arms. I realized this was the first time I rocked him in that glider since he was BORN! I am so consumed with J* at night, that hubby has put Cooper down almost every night. I've never even had the CHANCE to rock Cooper. Here he is, now 4 1/2 months . . . my last baby . . . and I just held him for so long watching him sleep in my arms.

J* needs to sleep on his own for his own good. Its time. I need him to, so I don;t go mad. And Cooper needs him to also, so he can be a baby and be rocked by Mommy.

So, I didn't give up after all. My boys both need attention, and they both will get it.

In case you're keeping score . . .

2008-01-19T14:14:00.000-05:00

After night 3, it is: Parents = 2, Kid = 1.

No, not a great night. Of course not. I was home alone! We went up to his room a little before 8pm to read. As soon as I went to turn out the light, he started screaming he was scared. I told him I loved him, kissed him and left (with the light on). He screamed for an hour! In between crying, "I want my mommy", he would throw in a "bad mommy, bad!". Oh, he knows just how to hurt me! I went in every 15 minutes to calm him down but it didn;t work.

After that hour, I went in and lied down next to him. He calmed down and fell asleep in 3 minutes. I guess an hour of hysterics is quite exhausting.

I thought it wasn't so bad, since the first two nights were "easy", I figured we'd have tough times too. But this morning he woke up with 102.8 fever. So I lose. Yep . . . bad mommy. Sigh.

Are we on to something?

2008-01-18T05:34:00.000-05:00

Night 2 went, um, well! We read our three books, he hemmed and hawed about more, then said he was thirsty, etc, etc. I stood my ground, said good night, and left at 8:34. He cried and screamed. I went in at 8:45 and settled him down for 2 minutes. I left again. Not a peep after that, so at 9pm I checked on him. He was still awake, but not crying. I kissed him again, and left. Its now the next morning!!

The real test will be tonight, with hubby not here for support. Wish me luck, puhlease!

In the midst of it

2008-01-16T20:44:00.000-05:00

Those of you against CIO. . . stop reading here!

Right now, J* is upstairs in his room SCREAMING. Tonight is the night we start "Big Boy sleep". I just can't go on as before.

I'm going to have a second glass of wine and go back in for him in 5 minutes, then 1o minutes. This hurts me.

I'll keep you posted.

Update: Been back three times, and he is quiet at the moment. Fingers crossed!

Second update: Hubby went in the fourth time and almost ruined everything! He is such a wuss! I stayed for 10 minutes while J* settled down. I then kissed him again and said I'd be back. That was 20 minutes ago, and all is quiet. I am heading to bed. Wish us luck!

Next day update: He fell asleep after that and slept the night! Day two coming up tonight. I may switch to vodka!

a new Christian Soldier!

2008-01-15T13:08:00.000-05:00

Cooper was baptized this past Sunday! What a beautiful day, surrounded by family and friends, good food and wine, and a Giants win! Actually just kidding on the last part, as I couldn't care less about football, but hubby and FIL are very happy.

4-month check-up . . . grow, baby, grow!

2008-01-10T09:14:00.000-05:00

Length: 25.5 inches
Weight: 15lbs 2 oz

50% percentile for weight and 75% for height. He is yummy chubs, and really filling out nicely! Other than a little facial eczema, he's doing beautifully, and laughing/squealing up a storm. Until the shots, that is. Poor baby, had achy thighs and a fever yesterday. Hopefully its all forgotten.

Guess I'll have to write a book

2008-01-07T09:28:00.000-05:00

After my first "real" conversation I had with big brother last week, I started to really contemplate how to discuss both adoptions with my children. It ain't easy. There's so much to say, but you can't say it all at once . . . for now it needs to be simple, and told over and over again, by both of us.

We have the book, The Day We Met You by Phoebe Koehler.
Its a simple paperback that has served us well for the past 2 years. J* knows its the book about him, and he can recite it as I read it with him. I took a sharpie and tailored a few pages to him, adding his name, etc. But I think he needs more depth to the story now. That's why I mentioned his birthmother's name last week.

We have Tell me again about the night I was born by Jamie Lee Curtis, and we've started reading this together. Its amazing how exactly this story fits our own, since he was born in the night, and we did get the call that woke us up (well me, anyway). We were so nervous on that plane ride down, and guarded that baby with our lives on the trip up.

Adoption books have come along way, and I'm sure there are other great ones for me and J* to read. But what about Cooper? What do I read to him?

I did and Amazon search, and found some egg donor books that are quite sweet, and even one I can take my tested Sharpie too, and create a make shift one for Cooper too. But, my kids deserve more than make-shift, ya know?

Guess I'm saying stay tuned. Embryo adoption storybook to come!

Has it really been 4 months?

2008-01-03T08:26:00.000-05:00

Cooper was born 4 months ago. Wow. It doesn't seem that long ago, yet at the same time it feels like he's been in our family forever. Its amazing how much I love that kid. And my other kid. WOW. I have two kids. Two boys. I never knew I had this much love in my heart to give.

The first "real" conversation

2007-12-27T12:59:00.000-05:00

J: when is Cooper going to be a big brother like me?
ME: Cooper's never going to be a big brother. He'll always be the baby brother and you'll always be the big brother.
J: Why?
ME: Because mommy and daddy aren't going to have anymore babies.
J:Why?
ME: Because mommy and daddy have enough babies. Don't you think we have enough babies?
J: No, we need more. Can we get more?
ME: No, we got the two babies we wanted most already. You and your brother!
J: from where mommy?
ME: Well . . . . a very special lady in Florida named M* made you in her tummy and then gave you to Mommy in Daddy.
J: My Florida? Where I was born, right?
ME: Yes. And do you know E* and E*'s mommy? She made Cooper and then gave him to us, and the doctors put him in my tummy to be born.
J: Wow, I didn't know that! Can I have some grapes?

The mind of a preschooler

2007-12-23T08:28:00.000-05:00

Big Brother wakes my hubby saying, "Daddy, Daddy, Cooper's crying! I tried to fix him but it didn't work!"

And when you tell him "no" about something, he replies, "Well, I'm not gonna be your best friend", or the ever popular, "you can't be on my team!".

Fun stuff.

Now back to my regularly scheduled whining . . .

2007-12-18T09:15:00.000-05:00

Ahhhhh, free from schoolwork for over a month! What in the world will I do with all the free time?? Clean, I guess. The house is a mess. We are just drowning in stuff. And come here to whine of course!

So, when will my 15-week old sleep through the night?? Please, oh please let it be soon. I was slapping myself in the face yesterday driving home from work to stay awake. I was so tired, I didn't even notice I was out of gas until I had 5 miles left on the indicator. Not fun.

Poor Cooper, he has a cough that is waking him up at night, so I feel badly for him, but bad for me too. I am sooooo tired. At least my anxiety and depression lifted weeks ago after the medication has saturated my body. Bad feelings are gone, and I am truly enjoying the boys. Christmas will be a blast!

I'm done!

2007-12-16T06:29:00.000-05:00

I am finally done with the semester! My presentation went well on Friday morning, and I used the momentum to work on my paper for 2 mor ehours, and got it finished. It is not a paper I am proud of . . . which feels weird to me. I am so anal about schoolwork. But, its time to break the straight A average and get on with life, right?

Speaking of life, the sickies are back at our house. Jax has a double ear infection with fever and Cooper has a cough and runny nose. It is going to be a loooooooonnnnnggggg winter of sickness around here, I can feel it.

Well, I am ready to start celebrating the holidays! My tree is done, the Christmas cards are out, and I hope to ship my Christmas Cookie Exchange packages today! Its snowing outside, and I think I will wrap more presents today, and do some Christmas crafts. I love Christmas!!

Full-Blown Panic Mode

2007-12-13T13:01:00.000-05:00

I am in the crunch . . . final presentation for my paper is tomorrow morning. Final paper due Sunday night. J* had a fever at daycare yesterday so he had to stay home today. Coop got shots yesterday, and has a fever too. Hubby stayed home with J*, but Coop went to daycare . . . until the snowstorm hit and they closed early (noon). Hubby is home with the 2 kids while I am in Manhattan, at work, not working or finishing my paper. I am wishing I was home with them. Ugh!

And at this time right now . . .

2007-12-07T12:12:00.000-05:00

. . . on 12/7/06, I was laying on the exam table just after 3 embryos were put into my uterus. I had just had an acupuncture treatment before the transfer with a Chinese doctor in town, and was as relaxed as possible. Hubby and son came into the room to sit with me while I lay still for 30 minutes. J* thought I was sick and climbed up to lay with me. It was really cute.

Afterwards, I got up, got dressed, and we headed to Providence to have dinner with old friends. I had two glasses of wine and a surf and turf dinner at their house. J* watched Shrek while we chatted. Then we drove home. I was temporarily pregnant at least. Little did I know it was permanent.

This day last year . . .

2007-12-06T09:16:00.001-05:00

Cooper and four other embryos were defrosted in a NH embryology lab. He and three others survived the thaw. He and two others continued to grow overnight.

It caught me!

2007-12-04T09:43:00.000-05:00

I HATE puking!!!! It hit me yesterday at work about 12:30. I was in bed by 2:15 and stayed there all night. Feeling better today, but stayed home.

We had pizza at a friend's house on Saturday, and all 4 of them got the bug yesteday too. This thing is rampant! BEWARE!

Edited to add: my friends gave their neighbors the stomach virus too. And they told two friends, and so on, and so on . . .

Also, Cooper was 3 months yesterday! Poor kid was overshadowed by puke.

Spreading like Wildfire

2007-11-30T08:05:00.000-05:00

There's a stomach bug circulating in day care, and it caught Jackson yesterday afternoon. He hasn't vomited since he's 20 months old, which of course he doesn't remember, so I feel so bad for him. I hate puking . . .it scares me so I am scared for him. It started yesterday at 3:15pm, and he hasn't puked since, but had a high fever at 11:30 last night. He's the 4th in his class to get it. The kicker is that Cooper's teacher has it too, so I hope it doesn't spread to him . . . or me. Did I mention that I hate to puke?